Eating at a restaurant is supposed to be all about pleasure: The joy of being able to relax and enjoy a meal you didn’t have to sweat over, the luxury of being served by professionals, the deliciousness of a well-cooked dinner. That's why a bad restaurant experience hits you with multiple regrets: You didn’t enjoy your meal, you wasted your time, and you wasted your money—these days, probably a lot of money, because restaurants have become increasingly expensive. That makes knowing the signs of a bad restaurant a crucial life skill.
If you’re looking for a new place to have dinner with some friends, keep your eyes open for the following restaurant red flags—and if you see one (or more), turn around and start looking for an alternative.
Restaurants (should) change constantly. Staff turns over, new chefs take over the kitchen, and the menu (hopefully) changes over time. A restaurant that hasn’t bothered to update things like reviews posted on the walls or their website (or the website itself) has probably let other things slide over the years. As noted by food critic Tom Sietsema, if a restaurant’s reviews are so old the authors are dead, that might indicate no one has said anything nice about the place in a very long time. And if the website was last updated to reflect pandemic-era masking etiquette, you have to wonder what else has slipped their minds over the last, oh, several years.
Smell is always an important indication of what you’re about to experience—and restaurants should smell like, you know, food. So if you smell rot, rancid oil, or anything distinctly unpleasant when you walk into a restaurant, it doesn’t take a genius to guess that you’re going to have a sub-par experience.
If you’re hit in the face with the smell of bleach or other chemical cleaners, however, turn and run. A restaurant should be clean, yes, but if it smells like CSI was just there cleaning up a murder, there’s probably a big problem with the sanitation. Alternatively, if you’re suffocated by the smell of air fresheners, you have to wonder what’s being hidden under all that perfume.
If you’ve ever been handed a menu that weighs seven pounds and offers everything from steaks to sushi, you should be prepared for a disappointing experience. There’s a simple reason for this: Most quality restaurants have a strong focus and theme for the food they prepare. They offer a select number of dishes and sides they do very well. The more varied and lengthy a menu, the more you have to question the thought process—or lack thereof—behind the food.
Something else to watch for? Typos. If the restaurant doesn’t take the time to proofread their menus and make sure they’re correct, what makes you think they take the time to prepare the food properly?
You should always clock a restaurant’s cleanliness game when you walk in. Heading for the bathroom right away is a good gut check—if it looks like it was last cleaned some days (or weeks) ago, you have to wonder how much effort goes into cleaning the kitchen, or anywhere else.
Speaking of the kitchen, if you can get a glimpse in there, look for gloves and head coverings. While the folks on The Bear don’t seem to worry about hair getting into your food, you absolutely should. Don’t see any? Find a new eatery.
Finally, consider your table when you first sit down. Is it clean and crumb-free? Is the menu, salt shaker, or anything kind of ... sticky? That means the place isn’t cleaned particularly well, even if it looks superficially nice. Go home and order pizza.
There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun when dining out, so restaurants that make a bit of a show out of serving your food might not necessarily be a red flag. But as the existence of Salt Bae Burger (formerly New York City’s worst restaurant) proves, sometimes theatrics are covering up some really crappy food experiences. The more sparklers, ceremony, and staff required—and the fewer plates provided—to simply place your meal on the table, the less likely you’re about to have a four-star experience. When you’re eating in a really nice restaurant, they simply bring your food and tell you to enjoy.
