In March, Meghan Markle announced her forthcoming lifestyle brand, American Riviera Orchard. Sure, the name might make you think of a California Pizza Kitchen or another chain restaurant located off an exurban highway exit. But the litany of items the burgeoning brand promised they'd eventually sell after filing for trademark—from cookbooks to tableware to actual food—at least sounded kind of intriguing. Well, the first product has finally been revealed and it's *insert drum roll here* strawberry jam. To be fair, the debut didn't arrive with a formal announcement from the brand but a few Instagram stories from Markle's friends, including fashion designer and wife of Paramount Pictures CEO Brian Robbins, Tracy Robbins, and Delfina Blaquier, a photographer and wife of polo player, Nacho Figueras. Perhaps this is part of American Riviera Orchard's PR strategy? “Thank you for the delicious basket!” Robbins wrote of the jam alongside a bundle of lemons. “I absolutely love this jam so not sure I'm sharing with anyone :) @americanrivieraorchard Thank you M! ???? #montecitogoodness #americanrivieraorchard.” “@americanrivieraorchard breakfast, lunch and dinner just got a little sweeter ????,” she added alongside another photo of the spread. I'm sorry, strawberry jam for...dinner? Christ, it must be exceptional. Blaquier, too, sang the spread's praises. According to the label (befit with the brand's crest), only fifty jars of the jam have been made and distributed thus far—likely only to Markle's friends and family. Personally, I have questions. Did she make and jar the fifty portions of jam herself? Who else received a jar? And how? Did she load them onto a wagon to walk around and knock on the gates of mansions in Montecito? Also, when the hell is this jam hitting the shelves? According to People, the official launch of Markle's brand is set for later this spring and "will reflect everything that she loves—family, cooking, entertaining and home décor.” In March, the magazine reported that a number of items that fall under “goods and services” will be for sale including tableware, table cutlery, downloadable and printed cookbooks and recipe books, coffee and tea services in the nature of tableware, servingware, decanters, dinnerware, chargers, napkin rings, table place card holders, beverageware, textile tablecloths, placemats and napkins, kitchen and table linens, gift wrap of fabric. Jellies, jams marmalades; and a number of vegetable and nut butters and spreads, too, will hit retail stores. If you ask me, this mishmash of jams, cookware, books, etc. is starting to feel a lot like the last two aisles in my hometown Kroger, where they place all the products with celebrity names and endorsements. It's where you'd find Dolly Parton's line of dish towels and ceramic mugs emblazoned with song lyrics, as well as Trisha Yearwood's "All-Natural" dog treats. At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if Ellen Degeneres (the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's neighbor) posts a rave review of a legume spread on her stories next week. Regardless, it's unclear if this special jam will ever be available to us peasants...but unless it has a property that will help me marry a prince willing to drop his toxic family for me, I will stick with Welch's.
