The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
the amount of scrolling I gotta do to find my birth year for online forms is becoming quite hurtful
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 19, 2024
unfortunately i am not demure or mindful i am loud and stupid
— trash jones (@jzux) August 18, 2024
me: hi do you take walk-ins?
— kim (@KimmyMonte) August 19, 2024
groundskeeper at the cemetery: what?
i get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me like oops sorry ladies im not a flower hehe but its so sweet that you thought i was
— 6len ʚїɞ (@6len0022) August 20, 2024
Flight attendant talking about sorry to wake you, I look up everybody off the plane LMFAOOOOO
— elton jawn (@catastrophicbee) August 20, 2024
I may be a devoted wife, loving daughter, etc but first and foremost I am a pedestrian. and I have the right of way
— christinita (@majordouzie) August 19, 2024
I got my IUD replaced today and the doctor asked if I wanted to listen to music during the procedure. I sheepishly asked if they could play Taylor Swift, and she said everyone asks for Taylor Swift.
— ella dawson (@brosandprose) August 19, 2024
i hate those clocks where the second hand just smoothly zooms around. you should be pausing solemnly before every passing tick. this should matter to you
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) August 22, 2024
at pilates the teacher asked if anyone had any injuries and this lady went “i got stung by a bee” and she was serious
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) August 22, 2024
born too late to be able to purchase a home off my 9 to 5 salary, born too early to cash out off of 15 minutes of tiktok fame, born at just the right time to receive 30 class action settlement payments of $20 - $300
— ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა (@CBD42O) August 20, 2024
I think if Kamala Harris is elected Doug Emhoff’s title should be First Doug and all subsequent husbands of Presidents should also be First Dougs
— Anna (@DistractedAnna) August 18, 2024
I don't use headphones when I'm walking my dog because it feels rude. what if he wants to chat
— hannah louise (@hannahlouisef) August 22, 2024
If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle it better be a food truck.
— One Ordinary Girl (@audri_em) August 19, 2024
J. Lo has to date Pete Davidson now. It's the only way.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) August 21, 2024
Lady behind me on this @delta flight is complaining to the stewardess because they made her check her bag and there’s a ton of room.
— Melissa Perri (@lissijean) August 19, 2024
Her husband to the stewardess: “you know she went to college with the CEO of Delta”
Stewardess: “You should have kept in touch.”
????
reading a series of unfortunate events as a little girl made me think i’d encounter a lot more anagrams than i have….nobody wants to rearrange words to conceal true names, sinister messages, and secret locations these days ????????????
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) August 20, 2024
Normalize taking men on Escape Room dates. Let him showcase his leadership and critical thinking skills up front.
— nina. (@ninadelaflores) August 18, 2024
Nobody understands the bond between a girl and the mediocre book she read when she was 13 years old.
— ♡ nova ♡ (@notagurly) August 20, 2024
unstoppable force (love is blind experiment) meets immovable object (the uk’s accent-based class system)
— Alison Herman (@aherman2006) August 19, 2024
she was a brat, he was demure, can i make it anymore obvious
— Daisy Jones (@daisythejones) August 19, 2024
Feel like we don't call people "bozos" enough anymore, in spite of the fact that we live in a time with a true abundance of bozos
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) August 19, 2024
Things that feel soooo good after 2 vodka sodas:
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) August 19, 2024
1) reacting to everyone’s Instagram stories
2) gossiping
3) singing Whitney Houston I Wanna Dance With Somebody
4) cheese fries
5) using Hinge
Things that feel sooooo bad after 2 vodka sodas:
1) bras
2) self-restraint
Is a requirement for all Trader Joe’s locations is that the parking lot must be small and difficult to maneuver in?
— chefadyre (@adyreisms) August 18, 2024
I’m going on a work trip for a few days — but my husband has just suspiciously bought himself 3 bunt cakes in various flavors and isn’t mentioning it at all.
— Sarah (@heyaimsarah) August 19, 2024
chat, i am full of concern
Me listening to my family judging people for things that i would do also: pic.twitter.com/9MsMmgKAUv
— Jenni (@hashjenni) August 19, 2024
when a stranger on the train says to you “is this the train to _______” and you say “i hope so” and then you both laugh ???????????????????????? peak life moment
— Abi Slade (@abi_slade) August 18, 2024
the afterglow of watching mamma mia last night. Wow. what a film. We need to go to greece. do you think donna was compensating those workers fairly for their labour ? Is she a citizen—how did she obtain a mortgage
— roro, PhD (@fuglibetty) August 20, 2024
Every young woman should watch SATC before their frontal lobe is fully developed and then after. This will actually be a mandatory law once I’m president of the United States.
— fragrance and foolishness (@Brieyonce) August 21, 2024
Are Jennifer Garner and Jennifer Lopez Ben Affleck’s Tammy 1 & Tammy 2?
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) August 21, 2024
i love asking 7 different ppl for advice then doing what i want
— jynx (@jynxbby) August 21, 2024
we've totally lost the meaning of the word "elope" because what do you mean your family was there?
— LAUREN ASH (@laurenashastro) August 21, 2024
straight girl just said her short (5’5”) boyfriend was “down to earth” and got upset when i said “oh I’m sure”
— arp (@frootifan1989) August 20, 2024
can i come over and look at all your things and objects
— sarah (@sandwichlover7) August 18, 2024
