13 Little Things Couples Who Have Been Married 30+ Years Do Every Day

As any longtime couple will tell you, a strong relationship isn’t about the once-in-a-blue-moon grand gestures, it’s built on the small actions you take on a regular basis. 

We recently asked our Facebook community to share the little daily rituals that keep their bond healthy and happy.

As reader Andrea G. said, “It’s hard work to stay married to the same person for this long, don’t get me wrong. But these simple things help make it at least a tiny bit easier.” 

Here’s what we learned:

1. They daydream about the future together.

“We daydream and talk about all of the things we want to do professionally and personally while knowing very well that we don’t have the energy nor the finances to do any of it. Still we dream together and that keeps us going.” — Lama H. 

2. They make each other laugh.

“We find something to laugh about every day, even if it’s just a groan from a bad dad joke.” — Heather W. 

“52 years in August. Laugh at yourself and laugh together.” — Ma P. 

3. They have coffee together in the morning. 

“32 years here. We make time to sit down and drink coffee together most mornings for a few minutes and try to eat dinner together in the evening most nights. The calm touch points at the beginning and end of the day really help us to stay connected. I certainly recognise it would be much harder to do with small children in the house but worth trying to do whenever possible.

“We also always try to have a vacation, trip or event being planned for the future so we have something to discuss that isn’t the kids or work. It’s hard work to stay married to the same person for this long, don’t get me wrong, but these simple things help make it at least a tiny bit easier.” — Andrea G.

4. They eat meals together.

“Married 44 years this month. He gets up first and makes breakfast, calls me and we have it together and do the New York Times puzzles. This is just since we retired eight years ago. Nice way to start the day.” — Val F. 

“We have coffee together in the living room in the morning, chat and watch a bit of news. We eat lunch and dinner together in the dining room. We love nature and just getting out on our deck.” — Christine K.

5. They check in with each other. 

“Always, always ask, ‘How was your day’ — and listen.” — Annie M.

6. They always kiss goodbye and goodnight. 

“53 years. We say we love each other throughout the day, always kiss goodnight and goodbye.”— Jenny C. 

“We never leave the house without kissing each other goodbye, even if someone is asleep.” — Tammy F. 

“Just short of 48 years. I get three kisses every night before going to sleep. We appreciate being together. We adore and love spending time with our children and grandgirls who enrich our souls.” — Marcia K.

7. They say thank you often, for things big and small. 

“We started dating at age 17, married at age 22 and now are married for 31 years. There is a push and pull to marriage. It takes a long time to find the rhythm, but we know when to dive in and when to give space. Saying thank you is huge.

“Bottom line though is commitment. Not being married was never considered even in the toughest of times. Two goodnight kisses every night helps too.” — Beth S. 

“We tell each other how much we appreciate all they do. And gratitude journals too.” — Esmy S.

8. They don’t criticise each other.  

“37 years. We have survived years of living apart and together. We have a no criticism rule. There are plenty of people to do that. We also toast every night at dinner by clinking glasses and looking at one another and smiling.” — Julia

9. They try to go to bed at the same time. 

“We always go to bed at the same time. No staying up alone or sleeping on the couch. We thank each other other for the little things. We have coffee together in the hot tub every morning. We do the things that the other person doesn’t want to do. Been together since high school for 35 years.” — Kelly B.

10. They find little ways to lighten each other’s load. 

“We’ve been married for 44 years. We show appreciation by doing little things for each other. He makes my tea in the morning. I wash his coffee pot as my hands are small enough. Every day at 3 p.m. when the sun shines into the living room windows on my preferred seat, he closes the blinds and says ‘143,’ which means ‘I love you.’ It’s just little things that mean, ‘I’m thinking about you.’” — Janet B. 

“He makes me coffee every morning and packs my lunch because I’m not a morning person. I make his bed on the sofa because he is disabled and can’t come upstairs to bed.” — Lori E.

11. They watch a good show together.

“Share funny stories with each other every day. Binge-watch shows together that you both enjoy. Do Wordle every day independently and share your results with each other at some point of the day.” – Annie K.

“The best part of my day is us watching TV shows and miniseries at night before bed. PBS is one source of interesting programming.” — Deborah J.

12. But they also do things separately.

“Be kind, say please and thank you, communicate, spend time together and apart. Be a team, work together and tell them you love them. Never go to bed angry.” — Beverly L. 

13. They say ‘I love you.’ 

“Kiss each other and say, ‘I love you’ several times a day — no matter what.” — Stacie C.

Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length.