No two parents are the same, meaning that no two parenting styles are the same but, according to one psychologist, there is one universal thing that all children want, no matter their age or your approach to parenting.
Dr Becky, a psychologist at Good Inside, shared on her TikTok channel that she believes parents often make the mistake of trying to find solutions for their children when the children don’t necessarily need solutions — they just need to be heard.
She said: “Your child is looking for your support, not your solutions.”
Dr Becky explained: “This is true at every age. Let’s say you have a toddler and they can’t figure out a puzzle and they’re frustrated.
“They’re looking for you to say ‘this is a hard puzzle!’, not, ‘I’ll do that piece for you.’”
The psychologist added that even with older kids who are learning how to read, they’re looking for empathy. She recommended parents tell their own experience of learning to read and said validating their feelings that reading is tricky is better than doing it for them.
Dr Becky summarised saying: “Our kids, like us, are looking for our support. Not our solutions. When they have our support, guess what? They’re really good at coming up with solutions on their own.”
According to the UK’s leading youth mental health charity, YoungMinds, your body language when actively listening matters, too. The experts advised: “Give your child time to speak while you are fully focused. Try to relax your facial expression and body position.
“Put yourself at the same height or lower than them. Nod or make a sound to show you have heard and make eye contact (but don’t insist that they do).”
When you put it that way, it is actually quite simple.
@drbeckyatgoodinside Parenting truth: Our kids’ feelings need support, not solutions. Try this: Next time your child is having a hard time, say, "I hear you", "That stinks" or "I'm so glad you’re sharing that with me" instead of allowing your fixing / advice / solution voice to take over. I think you’ll be amazed by what happens next.
♬ original sound - Dr. Becky | Psychologist
