In a recent Reddit post shared to r/AmIThe Asshole (AITA), Redditor Good-Face1725 shared that she has been married to her older husband for about four years.
The mother of her husband’s children, who are now in their mid-20s, died a year before she met him. They got married after two years of dating.
According to the poster, her husband’s children have “explicitly told me I am not their stepmum, just their dad’s wife.” Her relationship with the adult children has been tense, she says.
But “being a child of divorce, I can partially relate to a parent moving on so I try not to force anything,” the original poster (OP) wrote.
Her husband’s daughter, “Madison,” recently got engaged. So, the poster and her husband gave the bride-to-be a hefty $10k present after Madison asked what they could contribute to the budget.
“She has bigger hopes for her wedding than this so she was upset and kept asking for more,” the poster revealed.
But her husband’s savings and 401k have both been diminished by his ex-wife’s illness, and the post author wrote that he has “basically wiped out his cash savings” and even taken a second mortgage on the house to cover costs.
He had also accepted a lower-playing but more flexible job to attend to his ex-wife, all of which he was still financially recovering from, “so this 10k is actually really generous from him.”
After sharing their contribution to the wedding, the poster’s husband went to run an errand, leaving his wife alone with his daughter. At that point, Madison asked the post author whether OP would contribute money towards the big day.
“I told her we were a marital unit and that’s what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute,” the post author wrote ― to which she says Madison replied, “I should have known, obviously you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give”.
Calling it “flat-out” the rudest thing Madison had ever said, the poster then “kinda lost it and said, ‘Excuse me, who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?’
“Truth of the matter is I make more than her father by a large margin. I have no debt and have been paying 70% of the household bills the whole time we’ve been married,” the poster shared.
“The 10k we’re giving her is available because I’ve been able to subsidise her father’s living expenses the last few years,” she added.
When OP revealed that fact, Madison “called me stuck up” and “stormed out.”
“She called her dad later and said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget,” she said.
She has since explained the situation to her husband who is on her side, but wishes she hadn’t revealed his financial situation to his children.
The poster has officially been dubbed “not the A-hole” by Redditors, one of whom wrote, “You have to know that you’re either stuck up or a gold digger to a child (even an adult one) who has determined to make you a wicked stepmother.”
Another person opined that “He should have shared his financial situation himself,” with yet another Redditor adding, “If he doesn’t have a word about calling you a gold digger and then spouting lies, you maybe need to consider whether he does actually love and respect you. Perhaps he’s the gold digger!”
What do you think?
