It takes no skill to bash Chicago and its high murder rate. The bashing takes place year after year and the words hardly ever vary. I often wonder who these people are and if they believe that they are having an impact. They are not wrong when they say the root problems are fatherlessness, lack of education or immorality, but they are not telling us anything we don’t already know.
Several years ago, I met one of these complainers – a keyboard warrior, or whatever you want to call it, and he said to me, "Pastor Brooks, what then should I do?" My response was instant, "Come on down to 66th and King Drive and mentor one of my kids." He laughed and said that’s not going to change anything.
I could only shake my head at his denseness. I think we’ve become a society where we sit back and expect others, the government, or institutions to make sweeping societal changes. But the reality is that lasting changes often take place by focusing on the individual and strengthening each one to the best of their abilities. Mentoring is a proven, key way to achieve this. And it is far too underrated in our society.
I know more than anyone that mentoring can be difficult and sometimes thankless work. It can also require a lot of one’s time. But it can also be one of the most rewarding and even life-changing experiences. I know because I have witnessed this over and over at Project H.O.O.D., my community center.
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One of the first things I notice when I set up a mentor with a mentee initially is the clash of cultures and values.
My youths often come from broken homes, have never traveled more than four or five blocks from their homes, often go hungry, and some of them have just plain given up. Why try?
By contrast, the mentor is usually someone established in their field -- whether they are a plumber or a CEO — they are a person of accomplishment. They have achieved or maintained stability in their lives and they have a strong sense to give back to their community.
What usually follows is a delicate dance. There’s the polite smiles as they try to find commonalities to connect over. In the back of the youth’s head, he or she’s thinking, how long before this so-called mentor quits on me? The mentor is often thinking, do I have it in me to inspire this person upward in life?
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Sometimes the connection is instant. Sometimes it takes 10 meetings before that sweet spot is found. Along the way, I always counsel patience and faith. Of all the people on earth, God put these two together and sometimes the reason why takes a while to reveal itself.
I tell my mentors that mentoring is more than guiding someone through life. It is about investing in the future by pouring effort into the present. It’s about being present for the youth, being there week after week no matter one. I remember, one mentor had a blowout with his mentee and I told the mentor to show up the next week and he did. This touched the mentee in ways that are indescribable and that is why I say never underestimate the power of showing up and being present. It is the foundation for trust and it is on this foundation that life advice can be dispensed here and there.
I tell my mentees that they came to me for help and that this is my way of helping. I will always be there, but I tell my youth that they need to learn from as many people including their mentor who is often not from their community. I tell them to ask questions, what works, what doesn’t?
I tell them to inquire about the lives of their mentees so they may see how others live. I remember one young girl who had a Jewish mentee. She did not have the faintest idea about Jews but soon she was learning about their culture and foods. Something as simple as that can broaden the horizons of a child and make them aware that there is a world far wider than their five-block radius.
When a mentor-mentee relationship works there is really nothing less magical than that. They often become part of each other’s family. Cultural, economic, and racial divides are crossed. New understandings are created. The threads uniting our communities becomes tighter. And most importantly, the child benefits from the opportunities that come with widening one’s world. And the mentor plays an invaluable role in this success. You will never hear a mentor complain uselessly about the violence in our city because they are too busy doing something about it.
