Now that the Democratic and Republican national conventions are wrapped up and students are returning to campus, it’s important that we teach our students how to encourage unity with one another.
Without it, we will continue to see dissension, unrest and conflict on our campuses and across our nation. It’s easy to point the finger and say it’s other people who aren’t being peaceful or communicating kindly, but the truth is, it starts with us. If we aren’t willing to speak kindly to someone with an opposing viewpoint, how can we expect others to do the same?
As president of Southeastern University, it was important to me that we taught our students the importance of civil discourse. We founded the American Center for Public Leadership in conjunction with former Florida Representative Dennis Ross in 2019.
In his book, "Reaching Across the Aisle: Reflections on My Experiences in Politics," Ross describes civil discourse as "the process of working through our differences to build working relationships with each other, regardless of whether we change each other’s mind, which leads to a more unified nation."
We need to set an example on how to speak civilly to those we don’t agree with and teach our students how to do the same. But how?
Here are three ways to practice civil discourse and set an example for our students.
If we want to move toward unity with others, we need to be willing to engage with them in conversation. We all want to be heard, especially when we believe something strongly. However, it’s all too easy to ignore other people’s needs and instead, only listen to find a counterargument or a flaw. But if we want to move toward unity, we need to start truly listening.
Instead of waiting to jump in with your point, simply take in what they have to say. Make no rebuttal. When they have finished speaking, share your view kindly and respectfully, without combating their points.
Our focus should not be about being right, changing someone’s mind, or proving a point. If we truly want to establish unity, we need to make an effort to see and respect one another. Doing so will allow you to make your thoughts known while also listening to what the other person has to say. It’s okay to agree to disagree. But by having respectful conversations, you’ll show others that you value their opinion while leaving the door open for future conversation.
The Golden Rule is something we are all taught in school. And yet, how often do we put it into practice when we’re talking with someone we disagree with? We all want to be respected and heard, but if we aren’t willing to show kindness and consideration for others, we can’t expect them to do the same for us.
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We need to practice honestly valuing the other person and what they have to say, and being respectful of their thoughts and opinions, even if we disagree with them. We can’t have a ‘better than’ mindset and then be surprised when others think they are better than us or aren’t willing to listen because they don’t feel heard.
People will match your tone, volume and emotions. If you escalate the conversation, so will they. Others are more likely to stay calm and respectful during a conversation if you are. And even if they don’t, by remaining respectful, you can leave the conversation without regretting your actions or what you said.
Once you’ve learned how to have a respectful, genuine conversation with those you disagree with, you can begin having a real relationship with them. To do that, we need to look beyond the topic at hand and see the other person as an individual, not a viewpoint.
Take time to get to know them outside their viewpoint. Try asking non-political questions and getting to know them as an individual. What do they do for a living? Do they have any kids? What do they enjoy doing as a hobby? By doing so, you’ll be able to see them as more than an opponent to be bested or someone to defeat in an argument, but as a fellow individual with interests, passions, and feelings.
We are just as responsible as anyone else for speaking civilly and respectfully, and in taking deliberate steps to show unity. We can continue to be angry that other people aren’t being respectful, or we can take responsibility for our own words and actions and start making a difference ourselves. The choice is up to you.
