DEAR ABBY: I was with my alcoholic ex for 17 years, married for 12. I knew my marriage was over a year ago, so I was preparing myself.
I filed for divorce nine months ago. The judge signed my papers six weeks ago.
Four months ago, I met “Aaron,” a man I have grown to really like. He feels the same, but my sisters feel I shouldn’t be thinking about a relationship.
My kids are grown and out of the house. They have met Aaron and say, “Whatever makes you happy,” but I’m afraid if my sisters find out I’m seeing someone, they are going to be negative.
I really want them to know how happy I am, but I’m not sure if I should say anything just yet. Please help.
— FREE, NOT FREE, IN IOWA
DEAR FREE, NOT FREE: You have only recently emerged from a long and difficult marriage, which has to have been stressful and depressing. Right now you are on an emotional high. Your sisters are giving you good advice. Slow down!
If what you and Aaron have together is as good as you think, keep seeing him and get to know each other better. Stop hiding him from your sisters and introduce him. But when you do, tell them you are not jumping from the frying pan into the fire and plan to spend time getting to know him before making any permanent decisions. You have earned that right.
DEAR ABBY: I am dating an older man with two ex-wives. I have met both of them. I don’t mind them.
The last ex-wife and I get along. She usually calls me because he won’t answer his phone for her.
The first ex-wife I don’t like at all (I used to talk to her) because she’s lied to me about him. This woman has her kids call and tell him to call her (which he sneaks around to do), among other things. She talks smack about two of her kids with him (supposedly his), and she cheated on him numerous times.
Anytime we see her, which is usually at one of the kids’ houses, she or he runs to give the other a hug. I think this is very wrong and I’ve twice said something to him.
Am I wrong? Am I jealous? He says they don’t want to be with each other, they’re just friends, but I don’t trust her. I feel like she’s trying to start trouble. (Not to mention, one of the kids remarked, “If Mom wanted him back, she could get him.”)
I respect your opinion. Please help me.
— AM I RIGHT OR WRONG?
DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: Many divorced couples try to keep things amicable for the sake of their children. Your twice-married boyfriend may be one of them.
If you trust what he says, his first ex-wife isn’t likely to wreck your relationship unless your insecurity allows it. If you cannot trust this man’s word, you should no longer be together.
What the kid said hasn’t helped the situation. Please do not let it cause trouble in your relationship with their father.
TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA: At sundown tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. During this time of solemn introspection, I wish my Jewish readers “L’shana tova tikatevu” — may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
