DEAR ABBY: I have a question about invitation etiquette.
I want to invite family members and friends I haven’t seen or spoken with in a long time to my children’s birthday parties and special events like baptisms. However, I do not want to seem like I am soliciting gifts or money.
I have heard that it is improper to request “no gifts” on the invitation because that assumes gifts would be given.
What is proper etiquette for this? I want to see my family members, but I don’t want to offend them.
— COME CELEBRATE IN NEW YORK
DEAR CELEBRATE: I can’t see how family members who are invited to a child’s birthday party would be offended.
If they want to attend, fine. If they can’t, so be it.
However, children’s birthday parties do require some sort of gift, and it shouldn’t be a hardship to provide something. Relatives and friends whose children are invited to the party will automatically bring a gift.
DEAR ABBY: I am a retiree with diabetes and heart trouble. My husband is disabled. I’m his sole caregiver when I have the energy to do it.
Our adult daughter lives with us and works full time in the medical field on weekends. She does practically nothing around the house.
The real problem is, we have four dogs. Two of them are large. All four spend a lot of time in the house.
The youngest is a puppy that already weighs 50 pounds. She’s uncontrollable — jumping, biting, scratching my arms with her claws and barking. I’ve been a dog owner my entire life, and I have never seen another one behave like this.
I was against getting the puppy but was outvoted by my husband and daughter. Of course, as soon as the novelty wore off, it became my responsibility to feed her, clean up her house-training messes and take care of her.
I have begged my daughter to get her trained as she promised, but she always has an excuse.
Abby, I am exhausted! I’m ready to say, “It’s the dog or me,” but I have nowhere else to go.
My husband is barely mobile and is often confined to his bed. We had home health care last year, but that ended when Medicare would no longer pay. I can barely take care of him and do everything that must be done. The dog is just too much.
Help!
— OVERWHELMED IN TEXAS
DEAR OVERWHELMED: I know you are exhausted, but enough is enough. For the sake of your own health, summon the strength to assert yourself.
Is your daughter paying for her food and rent? If not, give her a list of chores you expect her to do — including starting dog-training classes with the animal she insisted become a member of the household. If she refuses, contact an animal rescue group to find it a new home. Then follow through.
P.S. A large, undisciplined dog could cause you or your husband to trip and fall, and the result could be catastrophic. If your daughter decides to leave, she can take her canine wrecking ball with her. Problem solved.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
