The 19 theory on TikTok posits that the man you meet when you’re 19 years old is the worst, most toxic person for you to be in a relationship with and that you need to run as fast as you can. It is making a comeback in 2024, though which seems to have started back in 2022.
It’s interesting how these memes and trends tend to make a comeback, much like fashion. In this case, the “man you meet at 19” theory seems to be tried and true, if the sheer number of TikToks posted about it are to be believed.
While correlation doesn’t necessarily imply causation here, for the most part, 19 tends to be the age when most people are starting to get into serious relationships, or think about them, and a significant portion of the population of the United States have gone on to college and are living away from home for the first time.
Age 19 is when you’re usually near the end of your Freshman or Sophomore year of university and is the perfect time to meet “Mr. Right”...or in this case, many argue, Mr. Wrong.
This idea could also relate to the three loves theory, where your second love is the one who breaks your heart and causes you the most hardship. And college age as you’re just starting out in adulthood is certainly the perfect time for that hardship to occur.
The history of the 19 theory on TikTok is murky, but one of the first most popular iterations of the idea seems to stem from TikToker @aliyahsinterlude, who posted a warning on her page on December 7th, 2022, telling ladies to "run, run for the hills!" from any man they meet at age 19.
In another video posted by Vie (@viescoaching), who stitched the video by Aliyah, the relationship coach told followers that it doesn’t matter how much you want to settle down and get married, the man you meet at 19 is just saying whatever he can to keep you happy and isn’t actually your forever soulmate.
TikToks on the topic also appear later in 2023, with some women discussing their own “man you meet at 19” experiences, for good or for ill. Some, like @moopysoup, said that while the man they met at 19 wasn’t “the worst,” he certainly did teach them where to set the bar for the standards they expect their future partners to meet.
The most recent iteration of the trend appears to have started cropping up in January 2024, and includes one woman who posted about her sweet little 85-year-old grandma, who still talks about the man she dated when she was 19 years old!
Redditor u/laryssolas brought up the theory on the r/women subreddit, saying, “So, a while ago I saw this ‘theory’ on TikTok that basically said that the person you date at 19 years old isn't your soulmate, and your relationship is bound to fail. Or the person will break your heart…”
She continued, “Ofc it's not a true theory, but it's funny how so many girls (at least) went through the same experience lol“
Below are more examples of women who had a similar experience with men they met at the age of 19, or warned others away from those same men.
TikToker Lissy (@lissy.buc) vented her own frustrations with the man she dated at 19 in her TikTok, where she lip-synced to the lyrics, "You got me hooked up on the feeling / You got me hanging from the ceiling" from Gansta by Kehlani.
Even if the theory doesn’t hold any water, it is pretty spooky that so many women experience a similar phenomenon in their dating lives…this writer included.
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