Courtesy of Wendy Hawkes
When my husband and I retired, we relocated to the Bahamas to enjoy an island adventure. But we moved there just as Hurricane Dorian, one of the worst storms in the Bahmas' history, struck the islands. Surviving a Category 5 hurricane taught us we could rely on one another even if our lives were at stake.
After that, we bought a small motor yacht to reclaim our tropical dream while safely evading threatening storms. Since we live in a tiny space, my husband and I are practically connected at the hip, but that doesn't mean we always see eye to eye.
To keep a healthy relationship, we've redefined how we communicate because our lives could depend on it.
We understand that living off-grid in such a tiny space can be dangerous. That's why when things get hairy, it's imperative to have faith in each other's abilities. We frequently rely on one another's strengths and specialties.
For example, when a squall cropped up suddenly in the Bahamas, we made a snap decision to anchor in a lagoon. Knowing we had the skills — me to hold the vessel steady and him to hook us securely to the seabed — allowed us to keep from panicking. In such conditions, we can't afford to second-guess each other. We have to trust each other as a team.
But in a worst-case scenario where one of us is incapacitated, we need to do our jobs well but also attain proficiency in our partner's skills. Working as a team in this way allows us to appreciate the other's abilities. Therefore, we have become each other's best cheerleaders.
We also make the most of technology and tools to make communication easier. Walkie-talkie headsets — known to boaters as "marriage savers" — ensure clear commands. Trust me, screaming over fast winds and loud engines only amplifies tension and frustrations. Using updated tech to lessen stress makes for smoother sailing.
Our relationship can become utilitarian since we spend 24/7 together and focus on duties aboard. This means we often function as crewmates rather than romantic partners. We risk losing the intimacy that fosters the deeper bond so many of us expect from marriage.
While other couples schedule date nights to reconnect after busy workweeks, our lifestyle affords us different ways to enjoy quality time together: blazing sunsets for handholding, blankets of stars for snuggling beneath, and bucket-list memories for cherishing together.
We handle quarrels more effectively now, too. Surrounded by water, we don't have the luxury of popping out for a drive to clear our heads after a fight. So, we address issues at the moment; we slow down to really listen to one another. My husband and I have redefined our communication methods to ensure clarity, limit misunderstandings, and amplify unwavering support.
Prioritizing these romantic moments together and practicing great communication has strengthened us as a couple. In turn, we are a real team when there's a crisis.
Our unconventional life — living in the elements, being completely autonomous, and relying only on each other — demands a superlative level of trust.
To succeed as full-time cruisers, we've had to craft a superior level of communication, accept our partner's capabilities, and trust the other even more than our own minds at times.
In return, my husband and I enjoy a deep, fulfilling bond that makes our special life at sea all the sweeter.
