Courtesy of Zachary Mills
My vision in high school was to complete my college degree for free. I am now a year post-college graduation, and I know that I achieved my goal, but it wasn't without sacrifice — both before and during my years in college.
Some universities offer scholarships with no strings attached: The money is yours for tuition and other expenses. Other universities —like mine — offer program-based scholarships that require your involvement in their program traditions.
Those traditions tarnished some of my college experience, especially coming from an exhaustive high school career where I put too much pressure on myself. But looking back, I still believe this was the reward I deserved for my effort in high school.
In my senior year in high school, I was selected for a full cost of attendance scholarship program.
I had been working toward this for four years. I loaded my schedule with AP classes and had many long nights studying for tests and working on projects. I took the ACT and SAT four times — each costing hundreds of dollars. I hosted school events and joined clubs, hoping to become a part of the leadership team.
I even memorized chapters of my anatomy book in high school and rewrote them on a whiteboard to get a 102% on my exam. Calculating my high school GPA yearly to determine if I would move up in rank from seven to one was a thrill.
I did this all in the name of no student debt and a prestigious college experience. I loved the challenge of working toward a goal I created for myself. It showed me that I could reach for big dreams and grasp them.
In hindsight, I would tell my high school self to stay passionate but let go of the pressure for perfection and instead focus on trying my best. Maybe knowing I was doing a good job would have stopped me from crying over a B in geometry.
The program encouraged me to focus less on grades and more on community impact, leading me to create a podcast helping incoming students better adjust to college life. The program also prompted me to develop meaningful friendships among the people in my cohort — one of whom is now my husband.
However, I found that I had to give too much of myself to the scholarship program. It unexpectedly felt overwhelming and sometimes all-consuming when all I wanted to do was focus on my college experience. It left no room for me to explore who I really am.
My time in college was different than that of previous cohorts of students because of the COVID-19 pandemic. The pandemic mainly affected opportunities for scholarship-funded travel and reduced the events we could attend. These elements were unfortunate to miss out on, but ultimately, I was grateful for the break from the program to explore my individuality.
Since college, I've learned the power of advocating for myself in academic settings and setting boundaries around my time. I typically let feelings of guilt and obligation guide my decision-making, and I'm sure this affected my experiences in the scholarship program.
The program helped me meet my now husband and even provided a fresh financial start after graduation, but it also imposed on my sense of self.
I've spent the last year challenging higher education's notions surrounding achievement, but I also know I couldn't afford my current lifestyle with student loans.
So, I'm still trying to decide if it was worth it.
