Mel V.
Stefanie Costi left her job as a senior partner at a law firm with PTSD.
It took her two years to talk about it, but when she finally did, her post on LinkedIn blew up.
It reached 1.2 million people, and she received more than 2,000 messages thanking her for speaking out.
"So I knew that it was universal across all different industries," Costi told Business Insider.
She continued advocating and sharing more posts about how toxic dynamics manifest in the workplace, such as being "managed out" by your superior.
Now, she has 48,000 followers and a TED Talk in the works.
Workplace bullying is a critical issue, Costi said, because it impacts someone's entire life.
"When people are bullied at work, it erodes their confidence, damages their mental health, and can even spill over into their personal lives," she said. "Addressing it is essential to fostering work environments where people can thrive, innovate and feel valued, rather than being undermined and diminished."
According to a landmark survey in 2019 of 7,000 lawyers across 135 countries by the International Bar Association, bullying is rife in the legal profession, particularly in Canada, South Africa, Australia, and New Zealand.
The survey found that around one in two female and one in three male respondents said they had been bullied at work.
Costi said she thinks these toxic cycles persist because "humans are flawed."
"When you put 50 humans in a workplace, all from different walks of life, all raised very differently, all with different attitudes on things, you can't expect it to go swimmingly all the time," she said.
The problem also perpetuates if leaders ignore it because "monkey see, monkey does," Costi added.
"So if someone is saying that bullying is the way to survive and senior people are doing it, then you better believe that the young folk are going to learn how to do it too," she said. "A fish rots from the head down."
Costi said many signs of workplace bullying can be subtle, but they tend to be consistent. They can include being excluded from meetings or social gatherings after work, constantly criticized, micromanaged, or given unrealistic deadlines.
"These actions, when persistent, create a hostile environment that gradually erodes your confidence and well-being," said Costi. "If you start to feel anxious about going to work, it's a big red flag."
Another sign of bullying is the act of being managed out, which is when an employee is systematically pushed out of their role through insidious tactics — being given impossible tasks, receiving unfair performance reviews, or being excluded from key projects.
"You're being managed out of your job if everything you do is suddenly micromanaged," Costi said. "Or you're being given impossible tasks with unrealistic deadlines, or your boss doesn't give you the tools to do your job, or you are excluded from important meetings, or your achievements are constantly ignored or downplayed, or your position or similar roles are advertised externally."
The result is the employee feels "demoralized," Costi said, and questions their own competence.
"Which is precisely the outcome the bully desires," she said. "It's a manipulative strategy that slowly forces the victim to leave the organization 'voluntarily,'"
Essentially, a toxic boss will opt to push out the employees they no longer want around rather than learn to work with them.
To do this, Costi said they make the workplace miserable by never providing help or praise, dismissing achievements, and making their reports feel guilty for asking for basic things such as guidance or advice about career progression.
Costi said they also openly play favorites and move goalposts, leaving their targeted employees confused and frustrated.
"It just escalates so that those subtle signs turn into more overt signs," Costi said. "What happens is people's confidence is eroded over time, so it's like a death by a thousand cuts."
This slow drip of mistreatment over time is so damaging because it leads the victims to blame themselves. It's hard for them to vocalize anything tangible that is being done to them, so they internalize it.
It attacks "the core of who they are," Costi said, which can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and a significant loss of self-esteem.
"Over time, this toxic environment creates a sense of helplessness and hopelessness, making it hard for the person to see a way out," she said. "The psychological damage can extend far beyond the workplace, affecting relationships, sleep, and overall quality of life."
For many, the only obvious option may be to leave. Costi said this isn't the only choice people have, but it is "the healthiest one."
"Especially if the toxicity is pervasive and leadership is unresponsive," she said.
"However, before making that decision, it's crucial to document your experiences, seek support from trusted colleagues or mentors, and explore all avenues for resolution, such as HR or legal advice," Costi added.
"In some cases, standing up to the toxicity can lead to change, but it requires a great deal of courage and support," she said. "Ultimately, your mental and physical health should be the top priority."
