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As a child therapist, my voicemail inbox hits capacity between the first weeks of August.
I get more calls during these days than any other week of the calendar year. Even in a calendar that includes holidays, the grimmest days of winter, and the depths of the pandemic — these are the busiest weeks.
Every year, new clients, returning clients, and current clients ask, "What am I doing wrong with my children?"
I barely have to check the voicemails. The intake sessions will blur together because everyone talks about the same issues. They say how the children are fighting too much and how nobody will do their laundry. I hear them out about how everything is a fight and how kids and parents are yelling too much. But most importantly, parents are wondering what they are doing wrong all of a sudden.
All right, everyone. Big breath. It's not you. Yes, we should all stop yelling. Yes, some kids do need an evaluation for a mood disorder or hyperactivity. But for most families, here's the real problem: it's August.
August is hot and stormy. Many siblings have been crammed together for months, sharing hotel rooms, swim floats, and negotiating that last Popsicle. Everyone is anxious about the start of school. When kids are worried, they get irritable. When parents are worried, they get short-fused.
We cannot overstate the anxiety in families about a new school year. The preschoolers are anxious. The college students are anxious. The poor kindergarteners are a mess. The 6th-grade mothers are terrified that the mean girls will bully their daughters, and they may have to relive the pain of junior high again.
Everyone tries for a frenzy of playdates, trying to inoculate their children against loneliness. New teachers, new classmates, new apartments, new separations, gathering school supplies and loading the car trunks. It's a time of great anticipation and worry.
Let's not panic. If you have a cool basement, a splash pad, or Grandma's apartment with AC, send those children there. Better yet, send one child downstairs, send the other to a playdate, and give that third child a bowl of sprinkles. Sprinkles are good for fine motor skills.
As we take that deep breath, we can check our privilege, too. If your family is fed and dressed — even if it's in pajamas — it's actually a good day.
Remember: it's August. When everyone starts to whine and leave dishes on the table, remember: it's August. When your teenager slams the car trunk, it's August. When everyone slugs their way into the shoe store, it's August. When the haircuts turn out all wrong, don't worry, it's August, and there's time for it to grow back before school photos.
Hang in there, soon, it will be September.
