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When my older daughter turned 10, we held her birthday party at an arts and crafts center in the mall. Every moment of the party was perfectly orchestrated, from the greeting and instructions to art lesson and cake.
It felt like school to me, and cost $500, not including everything that made it a party, pizza, cake, decorations, goody bags and presents, which tipped the cost of party closer to the $1,000 range. We splurged that year because it was the first party we had after COVID.
But as I watched a dozen girls follow a teacher's instructions to create an octopus mural and a giraffe sculpture, I wondered what the kids would create without adult interference.
The art teacher was good, but why did the kids need an instructor at all? What if we just set the kids free with food and games and let them run their own party? This is easiest to do with outdoor spaces, but not impossible in small apartments.
When I was growing up and having birthday parties, my mom shared a rule of thumb that you should invite the same number of children as the age the birthday child is turning.
This past spring, we took a gamble on the weather and invited five families to the park for our 5-year-old's birthday.
What do you want to do outside in the park for two hours? I asked her, inviting her 11-year-old sister to weigh in, "You are my party planners!"
I tasked my daughters with making a budget and list of party games. What did we already have at home, and what did we need to buy? The girls wrote a list, putting an X next to what we didn't have.
I gave the kids a budget of $150 for all the birthday presents, toys, activities and favors, and they managed to stay within the budget and buy everything we needed in 20 minutes. Next, the kids found a recipe online for confetti cupcakes you bake inside ice cream cones. We went to the grocery store together, debated about the merits of confetti cake vs. rainbow cake, and then went home and bake. My 11 year-old bakes with minimal parental supervision, mostly needing help getting cakes out of the oven. Every time the 5-year-old helps out, she also gets closer to learning to bake.
I love seeing my kids gaining independence and pursuing their own ideas. Kid-led birthday parties allow kids to practice practical skills every step of the way, taking work off the parents' plates.
I worked so much harder the year I held the party at the mall, baking gluten- and dairy — free cake options and staying up till 3 a.m, hand-lettering children's names on gift bags.
There are different expectations with park parties because people can bring potluck dishes. My kids decorated the gift bags for the park party — a wonderful rainy Sunday afternoon activity. Kids are so excited for their birthdays, so there's a beautiful sense of anticipation leading up to the event.
On the day of the party, the birthday girl dressed as a princess and galloped through the park kicking a soccer ball to her friends. I served pizza on a folding table and we spread out on a picnic blanket. The bunny paper crafts, purchased online for $10, kept the kids just as busy as the mall art center projects. Presents are traditionally opened after singing and cake, but my daughter opened presents throughout the party so there were more toys to play with. The parents and I actually got to socialize and enjoy the sunshine. Only once the kids asked, "What should we do now?" and I replied, "Anything you want!"
The kids paused for a split second, contemplating, and then broke into a run and started cartwheeling.
