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Three-time Grammy Award-winning musician Harry Connick Jr. says he and his wife don't live by any rules in their marriage.
In an interview with People published on Sunday, the musician spoke about how he and his wife, Jill Goodacre Connick, keep their relationship strong after 30 years of marriage.
"We trust each other, we love each other, we communicate," Connick Jr. told People. "But when you say it's a rule, it's almost like we got to adhere to this. We don't really roll like that. We just wake up every day and we're thankful for each other and try to be good parents and good spouses to one another."
However, he said relationships are "different for everybody."
"Certain things that work for us may not work for other people, but we're not too big on rules," Connick Jr. said.
The couple married in 1994 and have three daughters: Georgia, 28, Kate, 26, and Charlotte, 22.
The couple also don't follow a specific set of rules when it comes to parenting their kids, Connick Jr. said.
"I think that we've tried to lead by example... I'm not an advice giver," he said. "If somebody asks me, 'Hey, what do you think about this?' I might tell them, but I've always found that giving advice, especially unsolicited advice, tends to make people shy away."
He added that he and his wife raised their daughters to have self-worth and make good decisions.
"And I think they will," he said. "So, if they need us, they'll come. But, it's not like, 'Make sure you communicate,' or, 'Find someone you can always laugh with.' That's just not my thing."
Other celebrities, in addition to Connick Jr., have spoken about how they keep their relationships strong.
In February, Blake Lively said she and Ryan Reynolds chose not to work at the same time when they started dating.
In March, Robert Downey Jr. and his wife, Susan, shared that they don't go more than two weeks without seeing each other and being together as a family.
And earlier this year, Eva Mendes said she and Ryan Gosling had a "non-verbal agreement" that she would step back from her acting career to stay home when they decided to have kids.
While some couples — like Connick Jr. and his wife — might not follow specific rules, they often operate under aligned unspoken agreements that allow them to live in harmony, experts say.
"For many couples, clear and agreed-upon rules can prevent misunderstandings and foster a sense of security and trust," James Chong, the clinical director at The Lion Mind Singapore, a center that provides counseling and clinical services, told Business Insider.
Some common rules that couples set in their relationship may include putting aside time to talk openly about their feelings and concerns, being open about financial matters and making joint decisions on significant expenses, or dividing household chores and parenting duties fairly, he said.
Such agreements can be especially helpful at the start of the relationship when the couple is still getting to know each other and their expectations, Jean XM Chen, the director and counselor at Relationship Matters, a counseling center that provides couples counseling and couples workshops, told BI.
"This is so that both enter the relationship without feeling misled by each other," she said.
However, these rules should be flexible and adaptable to the changing dynamics of the relationship. Moreover, what works for one couple might not work for another.
"The key is balance — rules should serve to enhance the relationship, not stifle it," Chong said, adding that he has seen cases where rigid or overly restrictive rules ended up creating tension and resentment between the couple.
At the same time, if the couple is familiar with each other, then rules may no longer be needed since they know each other's preferences and needs, Chen said.
"One who feels loved in the relationship will then wish to meet the other's hopes and desires without being requested to as a 'rule,'" Chen said.
The problem arises when one party doesn't feel loved or when communication breaks down, she said.
"This then leads to one partner becoming more controlling and setting 'rules' and the other shutting down emotionally or becoming defensive. This is when counseling help by professionals can be helpful," Chen added.
A representative for Connick Jr. did not immediately respond to a request for comment from BI sent outside regular business hours.
