Courtesy Bethaney Phillips
As obvious as it may sound, my biggest parenting hack is that I choose my battles. For the most part, my husband and I focus on the things that matter and avoid the ones that don't. So when my kids want to play outside and get dirty, we let them — we even encourage it. Their imaginations have let them build cities, slop in mud troughs like pigs, and fill the kiddie pool with dirt — and it's all fair game.
I just hose them off before they come in for showers. They think it's funny, which only adds to the fun.
Sure, it makes for extra laundry and a few more baths. But I have a solution there, too: I don't let it bother me. Laundry is constant; there's no such thing as being "caught up." And it's pointless to try to keep the house spotless — it would just be an endless cycle of chores. Instead, I choose to relax and spend time with my kids. It's a reality in which I have made peace.
And here's the thing: my kids are happy. They're good at coming up with things to do on their own, they love playing outside, and they don't beg for screen time. (I mean, they do occasionally, let's be honest, but it's rare.) They're making memories, and unless they're doing something dangerous or being disrespectful, I want them to run with it.
Summer comes with weekend camping trips where they dig in the sand and swim to their hearts' content. Once, we had to remind our 7-year-old to put his life jacket on to fish, and my 5-year-old had to be coaxed into taking his daily naps — there is no tired like sun tired.
My biggest complaint was one I kept to myself: endless amounts of sand in the camper. But even that can be taken care of with a quick sweep-up. Meanwhile, they're making core memories and having a blast.
We have a similar outlook on wrestling. They like to play rough — and it will happen whether I like it or not. So, instead of waiting for this specific type of energy to come out another way, we channel it. They are allowed to wrestle so long as everyone involved is still having a good time.
It's mostly our two children, but they have been known to create gauntlets with friends, too. Last winter, they lined up the Nugget Couch and pitted like sizes against one another. They did the same at the lake on the water trampoline and dubbed it "Battle Island." It was like watching a real-life episode of American Gladiator, and this 90s-raised mama couldn't have been more proud.
Wrestling also comes with stipulations, like no dirty moves. Hair pulling, kicking, hitting, and similar moves are banned and punishable by the nearest parent. If you're going to play rough, you have to be tough, is one of my most common sayings, too. I only want them to participate if they can handle it.
Wrestling also happens at appropriate times: never in public, as it's too loud and obnoxious and could stress others out. Also, they have to learn to live in society, and cannon-balling onto your brother just isn't appropriate grocery store etiquette.
Finally, we have a household safe word. If anyone yells, "Garfunkel!" the opposing wrestler is to stop immediately. We needed a silly yet memorable word for the kids, and it just stuck!
There's a fine line between being rowdy and disrespectful, and we hover it often. But our young kids with ideas and imagination, and we want to celebrate their fun-natured energy as often as possible.
