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My best friend and I haven't seen one another in person since we last saw each other about two years ago. That being said, we "talk" every day by constantly text messaging one another about anything and everything going on in our lives. Sometimes, we have simultaneous conversations via text and DMs.
We have a three-hour drive between us and do our best to visit when possible, but going a couple of years between visits isn't unusual for us. Life just keeps getting in the way. As we each have children, marriage, and work to balance, it's just easier to communicate with one another via text.
But I have wondered if our relationship is somehow false if we don't actually have regular telephone conversations or see each other regularly.
I've entertained the idea of making time for regular phone calls, but I think it would lead to us connecting less often. The way we text allows us to contact each other at any time of the day, including the middle of the night — with the understanding that we may or may not see it but will reply as soon as we can.
This allows us to talk about things as they happen — whether funny, relatable, or upsetting. Plus, texting at the moment allows us to capture the nuances of the situation when we might forget them later on or no longer be in the mood to talk about it.
More than anything, I think we're such good friends because our values are aligned in that we prioritize our families. Phone calls that felt obligatory would detract from our ability to be present with our children and husbands. They also take up time, which is something we each have so little of outside our responsibilities.
With a quick text here and there all day, we remain part of each other's lives in a more manageable way. That said, we like texting in between quality visits, which we just happen to be sorely overdue for.
I had a close friend a few years ago who preferred to talk on the phone. I would send her a text, and she would call me. We were friendly enough to joke about it, and I would ask her playfully, "Why did you call me?" She would then bother me about preferring texts and say, "But why didn't you just call me?"
Sometimes, I didn't have the mental bandwidth to have a proper conversation on the phone with her, so I would avoid it by not texting her when I really wanted to. We ended up drifting apart, and I look back now and wonder if it's because we each had a problem meeting each other's needs in a friendship.
When I look at the list of recent calls on my phone, they are primarily to my son's father. As we co-parent, my son calls his dad every night before bed. When he is with his dad, he'll call me every night. The only other time I make a phone call is for doctor's appointments that I can't make through an online portal.
I used to call my husband before we got serious, and I missed him in between dates, but he loathed it. The only reason he put himself through it was for my sake. Now that we're married and live together, I rarely ever have to call him — though we text throughout the day.
My best friend and I prefer to text each other instead of calling each other. That's our mutual preference of contact that we've unspokenly agreed to. It works for us, but it might not work for you and your relationships,
But if you care about someone who wants to hear your voice — whether it's a friend, significant other, or family member — then you should give them what they need.
At the root of our texting, my friend and I know that if we felt the need to call for some reason, the other would pick up their phone. Through texting, we are giving each other what we need: to feel close to one another while still being able to juggle everything else in our lives.
