Courtesy of the author
When I meet people, they're usually surprised to find out I'm married. That's because I don't wear a wedding ring. Don't fault me, though — neither does my husband.
Contrary to popular belief, we do this not because we are looking for free drinks or scandalous trysts. We just don't feel like wearing them. For us, it has worked — for 13 years, with two kids and a new puppy.
Some may find this difficult to understand, as rings that symbolize marital commitment are deeply rooted in many cultures.
When I mention my husband, most people just look at my left index finger. I catch a familiar look for a split second.
"Why don't you wear a ring if you're married?" I've been asked so many times.
I live in the suburbs of Boston, where people generally follow and stick to tradition. But I'm originally from Colorado, and people there are more relaxed about such things. I know several couples from home who choose not to wear wedding rings. This may be because they do extreme sports regularly, or it's just not the same thing as it feels here on the East Coast, where everyone loves to sport their multi-carat rocks.
Back in Colorado, people have never noticed, like they do here in Boston.
I've been at work and colleagues have asked with genuine curiosity and perplexion why I don't wear a ring. Does my husband wear one? Am I not enraged that he doesn't? They seem especially confused when I answer that I don't care he doesn't want to wear one.
I do have an engagement ring, and I am glad he got me one. I love it even though it isn't what I pictured it would be when I was young. If I had an endless supply of money, I still wouldn't change it. It's a symbol of what we've gone through.
My husband proposed on a sunny afternoon in May. We had spent the day at Cheesman Park in Denver and walked to a wine bar nearby. I was not expecting it, but he pulled out a diamond ring and asked if I would marry him.
When we got married, we signed the paperwork and said we'd have a reception later. But he got a job in another city so our energy suddenly went to relocating. So, I suppose that not wearing a wedding ring is partly that the ritual of getting married got interrupted. After the move, our lives started anew, and we never quite got back to planning and organizing what would have been the initial traditions of our life together.
Ultimately, I don't find wearing rings or other jewelry comfortable for long periods. As a writer, I'm on the computer for hours a day and rings and other jewelry get in the way of typing.
Also, I've become more casual as I've gotten older. Like jewelry, I probably wear makeup three or four times a year. I never want to invest the time on it.
Perhaps it's a combination of having two kids and going through the pandemic. There aren't as many events or outings I go to post-pandemic that require getting dressed up, which is when I'd typically wear jewelry. And if I am going to spend time on my appearance, nine times out of 10, it's going to be at the gym because that's where I get the benefits of health and fitness.
