Greg Burkett/Flickr
Everyone's had a socially awkward experience or two.
You go to hug someone, but they're trying to shake your hand, so you end up backslapping them from a foot away.
Your date asks whether you prefer vanilla or chocolate ice cream, and for some reason you end up telling him about the time you vomited after eating vanilla. (Obviously, nothing like this has ever happened to me.)
Chances are good that you're not nearly as socially inept as you believe you are. But simply thinking of yourself as awkward can undermine your confidence in social situations.
To help give you a confidence boost, we checked out the Quora thread "What are the best ways to improve social skills?" and pinpointed some practical tips.
We can't promise you'll never have another awkward encounter, but hopefully this advice will help you to enjoy, instead of dread, social interactions.
Note that if social anxiety is interfering with your ability to function on a daily basis, you might consider seeing a therapist, who can give you more tools to overcome your nerves.
Flickr / Gabriel Garcia MarengoWe're so accustomed to mental and physical multitasking that we might not even realize how off-putting it can be to conversation partners.
"When you're with someone, but you're distracted by other thoughts or emotions, people notice," writes Eva Glasrud. "Maybe your eyes glaze over, or your reactions are a little off or delayed. ... Or maybe you're being super obvious about it and using a mobile device while 'listening' to them.
"This makes people feel ... bad. Like they're not important. Or like you're not being authentic."
The ability to focus on the here and now is a skill called mindfulness, which you can cultivate gradually through practices like focusing on your breath and the individual sensations you're feeling in a given moment.
"The best thing I ever learned to improve my social skills was to think of the other person/people instead of myself," says Jennifer McGinnis. "Instead of worrying how I was 'performing' or coming across, I would think about the other person and how they seemed to be feeling or getting along."
Chances are good that your conversation partner is feeling just as uncomfortable as you are — and recognizing that could help you relax.
In other words, fake it till you make it.
Act "as if" you have great social skills. What does that look like? ... Pretend you are the host of whatever gathering you are in and make someone feel welcome. Smile, make brief eye contact, and say hi.
Crawford is on to something. A growing body of research suggests that you can change your emotions simply by changing your behavior. For example, smiling can make you feel happier, and adopting a "power pose" can make you feel more confident.
