Why Enabling A Child Is More About You Than Them
Pat and Gheorghe say that for the last 16 years, their ex-Marine son, Rich, has been battling an addiction to drugs and alcohol, and despite numerous rehabs and sober houses, he has not stayed clean. The parents have spent more than $225,000 on Rich in the last eight years, including renting apartments for him, buying him a house, and paying for his sober living homes, all with the hope that he will finally get his life together -- but he continues to drink and do drugs, and badger them for money. Watch more of their story here.
Dr. Phil reviews what he says are the parents’ outrageous behaviors they engage in with Rich, in the video above. “You can either have $175,000 in your pocket and he’s an alcoholic and an addict, or, you cannot have $175,000 in your pocket and he’s an alcoholic and an addict,” he says. “The only thing you’ve done is make it easier for him to be self-destructive.”
“Necessity is the mother of invention,” Dr. Phil continues. “He has no necessity to get better. He has no reason to get better. He can always pick up the phone and call you guys, and you pay of like a slot machine, and he knows it.”
The parents say that lately they’ve been trying to cut off their son, but that he won’t leave them alone.
“You’re doing what you’re doing to make yourselves feel better. You’re not doing it to make him better,” Dr. Phil tells Pat and Gheorghe. “It is gutless and cowardly to do what you’re doing. You’re doing it because you want to feel better in the moment. You’re telling him what he wants to hear so you can tell yourself you’re a loving parent in the moment.” He implores them to stop sending him money or providing for Rich in any way.
This episode of Dr. Phil, “My Drug Addicted, Mooching, Ex-Marine Brother Needs to Get His Life Together and Our Parents Need to Stop Enabling Him!” airs Monday. Check here to see where you can watch.
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