Koala Parenting Sounds Lovely And Cuddly, But It Could Be A Recipe For Burnout

It feels like everyday I come across a newly-coined parenting style, to the point where it feels difficult to keep up. 

There are the widely-spoken about ones many of us have heard of, like gentle parenting and helicopter parenting; and then there are the more left-field terms: nacho parenting, snowplough parenting and air traffic controller parenting, to name a few. 

If you haven’t yet come across the term koala parenting, it’s very similar to attachment parenting. Per NCT, the latter is about “constant physical closeness and being very responsive” to your baby or young child. 

What’s a koala parent?

Koala parents are more likely to breastfeed, be pro baby-wearing, co-sleep and steer clear of sleep training. They opt for gentler parenting approaches, prioritise teaching emotional regulation, and are more likely to try positive discipline.

They’re cuddlers, prioritising closeness and bonding with their kids – sometimes at the expense of feeling totally touched out. 

Lilit Ayrapetyan, a clinical psychologist specialising in maternal mental health, told Parents: “Much like a mama koala and their baby joey, koala parents prioritise closeness with their child, are incredibly nurturing, and are responsive to their child’s needs.”

Benefits of this parenting style

BACP senior accredited psychotherapist, Debbie Keenan, tells HuffPost UK this parenting style “builds secure attachment”, helping children to “feel safe and regulated”.

“This enables strong emotional regulation (where they learn to calm themselves down over time),” she explains.

“Securely attached children often grow into more resilient adults. In a ‘koala parenting’ approach, children are having their emotional needs met consistently. This approach also is nurturing for both parent and child.”

But it’s not 100% foolproof

While this, in theory, is positive news for your child’s development, there are a couple of downsides to koala parenting that Keenan notes. 

There’s a risk of a child not developing their own autonomy if parents do everything for them – “while secure attachment does support independence, it needs to evolve appropriately,” adds the therapist. 

Koala parents might also have a greater risk of burnout and dysregulation, she warns, as there may be limited time for self-care due to the parent prioritising their child’s needs.

But “a regulated parent is most important than a constant, energy depleted one”, she adds.

As a result it’s key to prioritise time for yourself. Dr Allison Venzon, a family medicine physician at Duly Health and Care, previously told HuffPost UK that self-care is important to swerve burnout, but it’s often misunderstood. 

“It doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking 15 minutes alone, eating regular meals, getting outside, or prioritising sleep,” she said.

“Setting boundaries, asking for help, and sharing responsibilities can be just as important as rest.”

Evolving as a koala parent

If you see yourself as a bit of a koala parent, it can be helpful to think about how you might adapt to support your child as they grow older. 

“As children move into their teenage years, the goal evolves from physical closeness to emotional availability and psychological safety,” says Keenan.

For koala parents, this might look like staying emotionally responsive, even though the physical attachment decreases.

It might also look like continuing to be a positive influence while giving your teen space to struggle, develop their own identity and problem-solve.

“Knowing when to take that step back as a parent will enable the child to grow into a confident and resilient adult, while the parent can stay emotionally available,” the therapist said.

“Of course, be present as a parent, then gently let them grow away from you while remaining emotionally close. That’s the goal.”