How to approach pets — and their guardians — the right way 

In the last column, I talked about respecting an animal’s boundaries when it comes to touch and learning to spot the differences between tolerance and enjoyment. We looked at ways animals almost always say no long before they escalate to scratching or biting and what that communication looks like. So what happens when we start paying attention to that communication?

First, let’s start with a dog we don’t know. Thankfully, most kids are taught by their parents to ask a dog’s guardian first whether they can pet a dog. I’ve noticed, however, that not all adults believe that the same rule applies to them.

With so many cute dogs out and about in Marin, it’s tempting to want to say hi to all of them. And those who consider themselves dog lovers and/or dog savvy sometimes assume that means they’re entitled to just walk up and try to pet or interact with a dog they don’t know.

Instead, we should be showing both the dog and their guardian the respect of asking first if it’s OK. There are many dogs that may “look friendly” but actually don’t really enjoy strangers coming up to them. Some may be reactive to humans they don’t know.

If the guardian has given us the OK, proceed in a gentle, respectful manner. Instead of standing right in front and towering over them, stand to their side with a relaxed posture and offer a low, closed hand. Let them initiate a curious sniff as opposed to putting your hand up to their face right away. If the dog seems interested in you and has a soft, wiggly body, it usually means you’ve got the green light.

While every dog is different, most enjoy light scratches under the chin, on the chest or on the side of the neck. Avoid reaching over their head, as that can be scary for some dogs. Some enjoy a pat on the rump, but not all. Usually, I ask the guardian how they like to be pet — the dog, not the guardian, that is.

Even if the guardian has said it’s OK, it’s still on you to watch for cues. If you notice the dog’s body start to stiffen, if they move away and certainly if they’re cowering, take the hint and back off. Usually my dog likes meeting new people, but not always. If I can tell he’s not in the mood, I’ll politely decline the advances of a would-be petter.

While we’re not likely to meet many cats and their guardians out on the street, we may have the good fortune of meeting one when we go into someone’s home. The same rules about getting the green light from the guardian apply.

In general, most cats prefer to play hard to get. If we play it cool, perhaps sitting calmly on the couch, chances are the cat will come over to investigate the new guest in their home. Offering a low, relaxed hand for them to sniff is a good first step in winning them over. Most cats will make it abundantly clear if they’re not interested. Watch for a wagging tail (often indicates annoyance), flattened ears, looking away or dilated pupils. If they’re not in the mood for your advances, simply leave them alone, and if they’ve turned tail and walked away, don’t follow them.

If they’ve decided they’ll allow you the privilege of touching them, scratches under the chin or on the side of the face are usually welcome and sometimes a long stroke down their back. For the vast majority of cats, bellies are strictly off-limits.

When we respect the human, listen to the animal and pay attention to the signals in front of us, everyone, two-legged and four-legged, gets to relax and enjoy the interaction.

Lisa Bloch is the marketing and communications director for Marin Humane which contributes Tails of Marin articles and welcomes comments and questions. Visit marinhumane.org, find us on social media @marinhumane, or email lbloch@marinhumane.org.