RFK Jr’s AI Gives the US Some Needed Health Advice: What Foods Should I Put Up My Rectum?

“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

Yes, the United States Department of Health and Human Services has some unique health advice coming from their website-based AI chatbot. A brave individual asked the AI what are the foods that are recommended by the agency to insert in the rectum? Kind of like asking about the food pyramid and such, but related to… your butt. Without hesitation or even a blush of the cheek, the response came back clear and decisive: bananas and cucumbers.

The question was asked on the official site, and solid information was delivered. It’s clearly an indication that all of the brain-drain and loss of scholars during the Trump regime have not toppled our position at the forefront of public health. No, all those canceled research dollars have not affected the caliber of information coming out of our nation in the slightest. Lesser nations may tell you to put absurd things in your rectum like arugula or even kimchi, but the United States health platform with RFK Jr at the helm will make sure that only the most correct and up-to-date information is available (in terms of what to put up your ass).

We have had what looks like the elevation of the most idiotic and damaged individuals to the top positions in the Trump administration. RFK Jr. is a standout even in this crowd of misfits.

Senator Bill Cassidy of Louisiana noticed an incongruity in the headspace of this man. In September of 2025 RFK Jr said that Trump deserved a Nobel Prize for initiating Operation Warp Speed and the subsequent roll-out of Covid vaccinations. Cassidy asked RFK Jr if he stood by that statement. He said “absolutely”. Then Cassidy offered: “But you just told Senator Bennet that Covid vaccine killed more people than Covid.” RFK Jr didn’t have a coherent response to this gotcha moment. The brainworm subsequently died of Cringe, just from living in that man’s noggin.

Before you give too much credit to Cassidy for pointing out such obvious disparities of rational thought, you do need to know that Cassidy has been called Louisiana’s Susan Collins due to his oft-repeated levels of concern. He shows his furrowed brow and then subsequently votes for anything Daddy Trump wants, including placing RFK Jr in charge of HHS. Of course, this isn’t enough to guarantee Trump won’t still go after you as evidenced by Trump endorsing an even nuttier individual running against Cassidy. The MAGA don’t seem to know how thin the tightrope is that they walk and how Trump thrives on withdrawing support at even the slightest notion of disloyalty. He seems to genuinely enjoy it. One minute you are a Vice President, then next some guys are looking to hang you. You would think out of some form of self-preservation that these fools would band together against Trump before the time comes when they lose favor. I guess you can’t accuse any of them of being very clever or able to see what’s coming up on their own horizon.

I think perhaps RFK Jr could have more easily answered this question: What prestigious award is best to insert into your rectum? That answer would, of course, be “the Nobel Prize that Donald Trump should have received”. Maria Corina Machado reportedly stored hers there until asked to evacuate the thing upon demand.

The Trump administration certainly does elevate individuals to Cabinet-level positions with unusual credentials. A lawyer obsessed with raptors is the obvious choice to become the ultimate authority in regard to health matters in the nation. He would, naturally, be an expert at Bird Law, but who knew he would have such keen insight as far as vaccines killing/not killing you and the use of AI to recommend rectal bananas? If this were all being written in a work of fiction, the thing would have been tossed in the trash for being too ridiculous and unbelievable.

The overt idiocy of handing so many decisions to AI is also a significant portion of this story. Evidently, our economy is just waiting to crash when this tulip mania hits a critical mass of awareness. We have all heard about the AI propensity to hallucinate and give an answer completely fabricated when it is at a loss. AI reflects back what it absorbs and in this post-reality world, it’s no wonder the advice is ludicrous.

But like a nice Riesling pairs well with spicy food, this AI pairs well with cocaine on a toilet seat.

God help us all.

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