It can be jarring to see a close friend or acquaintance go through a major physical transformation, but it’s still important to react thoughtfully and tactfully. Here are five things you should never scream in terror after seeing a friend who just lost a lot of weight.
1. “HELP! HELP! IMPOSTOR!!!”
If your friend lost so much weight that they’re barely recognizable, it can be normal to feel fear and confusion—however, shrieking “HELP! HELP! IT’S AN IMPOSTOR!!” while you signal for police and run away from the now-smaller person with your friend’s face really isn’t appropriate. Instead, try taking a deep breath and steadying yourself, and then, if you really need to, you can calmly ask your friend a question only they would know in order to determine whether the person in front of you is the “real” them.
2. “SOMEONE TOOK HALF OF YOU!!!”
Remember: all the things you are screaming in terror the second your newly thinner friend walks through the door are probably things they’ve thought about extensively about during their weight loss journey. They know very well at this point that no one came into their room in the night and stole half their body, and that there is a much simpler explanation for their physical transformation. So, think twice before making your fears about body-snatchers the center of the conversation.
3. “ARE YOUR OLD PANTS IN A LANDFILL!?!?”
Environmentalism is a noble cause, but your friend’s major slim-down should not be an occasion for you to start screeching and wailing in horror at the prospect of their old clothes going into landfill. If you’re reuniting for the first time after a long lapse, it’s going to be especially upsetting for your friend to see you make a public scene about how the underwear that doesn’t fit them anymore is going to end up in the Pacific Garbage Patch. No, it’s not pleasant to think about waste, but your friend has new clothes now, and it’s time to accept that!
4. “I DON’T LIKE CHANGE!!!”
There can certainly be a time and a place to sink to your knees and scream “I DON’T LIKE CHANGE,” but your friend’s revelation of weight loss is not it. They might very well have put a lot of effort into changing their body, so as much as you personally prefer for things to stay as they are, it’s best to put your comfort on the back burner. You can feel free to scream about how you don’t like change privately, after your friend has left.
5. “YOU MUST BE BEST FRIENDS WITH JARED FOGLE NOW!”
The idea that your friend’s drastic weight loss might have brought them into contact with weight loss celebrity and known pedophile Jared Fogle is a scary one. Many people would share your concern, but still, it’s not something appropriate to address in an ear-splitting shriek as soon as your friend walks into the room. Bring it up later to put your mind at ease, and don’t forget to add a compliment about how your friend would be an even better Subway spokesperson than Jared was.
