DEAR DEIDRE: I’M convinced my girlfriend sleeps with her ex whenever she goes to stay with her dad.
She denies it, saying she no longer loves him, but I know her dad wants them to get back together.
I’m 30 and she’s 27. We’ve been together for two years.
Before we met, she had a long relationship with a guy she met at school.
Her father liked him so much that he became part of the family. He offered him a job in his family’s shop, and even let him live with his daughter at his house.
When my girlfriend split up with him, her dad said her ex didn’t have to leave, but could become his lodger.
This means that whenever my girlfriend goes to visit her dad, her ex is still hanging around.
I know he wants her back because after we got together he besieged her with messages.
She assured me she wasn’t interested, but I found it hard to believe her. They had so much history.
What’s more, her dad isn’t very nice to me. He thinks the ex is wonderful, and that I don’t measure up.
A couple of weekends ago, my girlfriend went to see her dad.
Ever since she came back, she’s been on her phone a lot, messaging someone, even in the early hours.
I asked her who she was talking to and she said she was helping a friend in distress.
But I am so suspicious that she’s actually talking to her ex, and that they got closer when she went to stay.
I’m finding it so hard to trust her. What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: This is an unusual situation, and it’s not surprising you’re feeling insecure.
But you need to remind yourself that despite her dad’s fondness for her ex, your girlfriend has chosen to be with you, not him.
It must be tricky for her to have to have him hanging around like a bad smell whenever she visits her dad, especially if he wants her back.
The only way to get over this is to communicate with her about your feelings, let her know you are worried, so she can reassure you.
When you talk, if she gives you no reason to worry, you need to learn to trust her.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help you both.
Perhaps you could invite her dad down to stay with you next time, so he can start to appreciate your relationship on your turf.
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