Some people are meant to come into your world for short periods of time before parting ways with you. That doesn’t make the relationship any less meaningful — but it can make it incredibly painful. Here are a few signs that the person you’re seeing might not be planning on sticking around forever:
Not only do they avoid discussing marriage and children, but they avoid making plans with you too far into the future. They’ll agree to hang out with you this weekend, but if you talk about taking a trip together or buying concert tickets six months from now, they hesitate to agree. They aren’t sure whether they’re still going to be with you by that time, so they don’t want to commit and end up disappointing you (or losing out on money). They take things with you one day at a time. They might even use that exact line on you.
If they don’t consider the relationship as serious as you do, then they won’t want to introduce you to the most important people in their life. They will keep you separated so they don’t have to deal with family members asking about what happened to you when you inevitably break up. Plus, they won’t want anyone getting attached if they know that the relationship isn’t going to last forever. It’s easier to keep you separate from everyone else so things don’t get too messy.
They won’t say those three little words back to you. They won’t move in with you or adopt a pet with you. They might not even want to be your plus one at an upcoming wedding if it means traveling with you and being surrounded by your distant relatives. They are trying hard to keep the relationship casual because they don’t see it going anywhere.
Some people need a while to get comfortable enough to let down their walls. But if you’ve been with this person for months or even years and they still aren’t confiding in you about their secrets and hopes and fears, then something is wrong. They are keeping you at arm’s length for a reason. Maybe they’re worried you’re going to walk away. Or maybe they’re planning on leaving themselves.
There’s nothing wrong with having space from your partner and living your own lives. However, those lives should overlap. They should include you in important moments and fill you in on what’s going on with them. If they are slowly distancing themselves from you and aren’t making any room for you in this new world they’re creating for themselves, then it’s only a matter of time before the breakup. Even if they aren’t planning on leaving, you deserve someone who includes you. Someone who wants you around.
