DEAR HARRIETTE: I discovered that my new boyfriend snores, and I’m at a complete loss about what to do.
We’ve been seeing each other for about a month, and everything was going great — until last night, when we had our first sleepover. It turns out he snores loudly, and I absolutely cannot stand snoring. It’s not just a mild annoyance for me; it’s something that completely disrupts my ability to sleep.
I’ve always been a light sleeper, and I know from experience that if I don’t get a full night’s rest, my entire day is ruined. Last night, I barely got an hour of sleep, and today I feel like a zombie.
I tried using earplugs, but they didn’t block out the noise entirely. I even considered sleeping in another room, but since we’re still in the early stages of dating, that felt awkward and a little too soon to bring up.
Now, I’m starting to worry about what this means for our relationship. I really like him, and I can see potential for something serious between us, but I don’t know if I can handle his snoring long-term.
I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to sacrifice my own health and well-being for the sake of a relationship.
Is it too early to bring up his snoring? How do I mention it without making him feel self-conscious or creating awkwardness between us?
— He Snores
DEAR HE SNORES: You are going to have to tell your boyfriend about his snoring and how it affects you.
If you really can’t sleep with him in the room snoring, you will have to figure out alternative sleeping arrangements. Yes, that may be awkward at first, but it is necessary.
You may also want to recommend that he ask his doctor about his snoring. He could have sleep apnea. If he drank a lot of alcohol before going to sleep, that could have impacted his breathing.
Talk to him about it. Tell him you are sorry that snoring has this effect on you, but you needed to bring it up to him.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having an issue with my neighbors and their new puppy.
While she’s adorable, they don’t seem to be doing a great job training her. The puppy keeps using my yard as her personal bathroom, and my neighbors never bother to pick up after her.
At first, I tried to ignore it because I figured they were just getting used to having a new pet. However, it’s been weeks now, and the problem isn’t getting any better.
I’ve noticed that there are more and more spots in my yard where she’s done her business, and it’s becoming a real nuisance. Not only does it look bad, but it’s also unhygienic, especially since I have kids who like to play outside.
I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding confrontational. I don’t want to create bad blood between us because we live so close, and I like my neighbors. At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair for me to have to deal with their dog’s messes.
How can I tell them about this in a way that’s polite but firm?
— Dog Poop
DEAR DOG POOP: You have to set boundaries. Go to your neighbors’ house. Ask them to meet you in the yard. Show them their dog’s droppings. Tell them you need them to clean up after the dog immediately for your family’s health. Simple and direct.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
