DEAR DEIDRE: MY LOVER threatens to take her own life whenever I suggest ending our relationship.
I have a new girlfriend and desperately want to be with her.
I am a 24-year-old man. My new girlfriend is 22. We met through a charity running event two months ago.
She is lovely and perfect for me. She doesn’t know about my lover and I have no intention of telling her.
I met my lover at a mutual friend’s wedding earlier this year.
We discovered we lived near each other. She is 35 and married, but I didn’t know either of these details at the time.
She was on her own and wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.
We ended up spending a lot of time together and exchanged phone numbers at the end of the night.
We met a few times at various pubs out of town and eventually she told me that she was married, but unhappily.
We continued to meet at her home when her husband was out.
The sex was incredible but when I met my new girlfriend I wanted to end this affair.
I tried to encourage her to talk to her husband and work on her marriage saying that our affair needed to end.
She started to cry and I ended up comforting her.
She threatened to kill herself if I didn’t keep seeing her.
My lover knows nothing about my new girlfriend but I have a feeling she suspects something.
I really worry she will take her own life if she feels I have abandoned her.
It is all such a mess and I have no idea what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: I am sorry this is happening to you but you can’t stay in a relationship just because of emotional blackmail.
Don’t give in to her. She is using threats of suicide to manipulate you.
You must not let yourself be trapped in this way.
If your lover is feeling so low or thinking of taking her own life, it will be because of issues long before she met you.
Urge her to get in touch with Samaritans, who are there 24/7 (samaritans.org, 116 123).
Tell your married lover as kindly as you can that it has been wonderful but it is over.
If she continues to harass you, seek advice through the National Stalking Helpline (suzylamplugh. org, 0808 802 0300).
My support pack Ending A Relationship will help you too.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
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