My single friends have been driving me a bit insane. They keep complaining about how hard it is to find someone, why dating feels impossible, and how all the good single people seem to have vanished. I’ve helped them set up profiles on the latest apps like Hinge, Raya, Snack, and Stir. My friends are genuinely great—they’re attractive, fun, smart, sweet, and everything someone would want in a partner. So what’s the issue?
From the days of Adam and Eve, the forbidden fruit theory still holds true. It’s a mental challenge, plain and simple. Men want what they cannot have. You are a busy woman with a busy life! Stop giving a man all your time and attention when he is nothing more than a stranger. A hopeful, possibly romantic stranger, but he has to earn your attention and affection. Let him put in effort to show he’s serious.
You need to have a value for yourself. Guys see how you present yourself, how you take care of yourself and how you respect yourself. They base their view of you from your view of yourself. If you think really lowly of yourself, men will think the same, but if you maintain your dignity, he will put you on a pedestal. It’s not enough to say, “I am fabulous and deserve a good guy.” You have to believe it. You have to demand it.
You’ve been on multiple dates with the same guy and they are going great. You guys see each other every weekend, text everyday, and then all of a sudden he pulls back. And you’re scared. Your natural inclination is to ask him what’s wrong, what he’s doing and what his plans are but you need to do the opposite. Keep cool and calm and realize it’s only natural. It’s an animal instinct to run from someone who is chasing you. Do not go fishing for answers, do not contact him, let him come back to you. If he’s the right guy, he will.
Seriously this one is a no-brainer. Physical attraction is vital, but rushing into intimacy for no real reason can overshadow emotional connection. If you are looking for a relationship and have sex with him right off the bat, all you are going to get is sex! DUH. If you wait before you have sex with him it will give you both a chance to get to know each other. He will learn to appreciate who you are and see you as more beautiful. Once you are in the “good time only” category, there is no going back.
I often see my friends getting so upset over what a guy says. They read so far into things and get themselves worked up and in return create all this conflict for reason. Guys are simple. If they want to see you, they will let you know. If they want to be with you, they will let you know. So if they are trying to make plans, with you loosen up and just go with it! Stop taking yourself, and the situation so seriously. Although physical attraction is important, authentic connection often stems from your personality and energy. You need to walk into the room and command attention through your genuine confidence and playful charisma. A smile is always your best accessory.
A friend of mine was in a relationship in which she never trusted her partner. He made her insecure and often upset but she would not let him go. She once told me that she would rather be miserable two thirds of the time she was with him and happy one third of time than be alone. Women are so often scared to be alone. They search for happiness in a man. They want financial and emotional stability and as my dad always says, “you should never rely on a man to support you.” You need to love yourself before you can ever expect someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved. That was my friend’s problem. She didn’t love herself and in return neither did her partner.
