The kissing bandit of baseball
Okay, you asked for it and I’ll deliver it. Specifically, Karldared asked for it, but you’re all still getting it. Karl asked me if I’d write a remembrance about Morganna the Kissing Bandit. I thought I had covered this ample territory in an earlier story, but a quick Google check shows it was just a figment of my imagination. For those of you who might be unfamiliar with Morganna, the cliff notes are:
Anyway, let’s roll the tape. Morganna was born July 4, 1947, in Louisville, Kentucky. She had a bit of a rough childhood, was sent to a boarding school, and ran away at the age of 14 to Baltimore, where she was homeless for a while. She eventually started dancing in what was called an exotic club, getting her start as a go-go girl and earning the nickname “Morganna, the Wild One”.
She got her start in the baseball world when attending a 1969 game at Cincinnati’s Crosley Field, on a $5 dare from her friends, she hopped the fence and ran up to Pete Rose at the plate. Pete was always a bit on the intense side (see Fosse, Ray) and when Morganna approached him for a kiss, Pete replied, “You crazy bleepin’ broad. Are you out of your bleepin’ mind?” Morganna was escorted from the field, feeling hurt by Rose’s rebuff. Pete later had a twinge of regret, tracked Morganna down to a club she was performing at, and sent her a bouquet of roses and an apology. A Cincinnati sportswriter came up with this pearl: “Bandit steals kiss from Pete Rose” and thus the Baseball Kissing Bandit was born.
First, the obvious. Morganna claimed her “baseball stats” were 60-23-29. She famously wore I-cups, which I did not know existed until I wrote this story. Morganna said her bras were made by the same company that made the roofs for domed stadiums.
In the more lenient and fun times of those days, Morganna became a cultural icon. To see her run onto the field always brought a ripple of excitement to any sporting event. It became kind of a “I was there when Morganna kissed…” type of thing. Over the years, she reportedly kissed 37 baseball players, 12 NBA stars, and by her own account, dozens of minor leaguers plus the San Diego Chicken. She once kissed Frank Layden, coach of the Utah Jazz who promptly “collapsed” onto the court and laid spread-eagled for several minutes. It was all wonderful, campy fun.
She became the unofficial mascot of Major League Baseball and went by the moniker, “The Grand Dame of Baseball.” Some of her victims were: Nolan Ryan, Fred Lynn, Frank Howard, Mark Fidrych, Mike Schmidt, Johnny Bench, Steve Garvey, Len Barker, Cal Ripken Jr., and most famously George Brett, who she got twice. Brett was the only two-time winner of the Morganna sweepstakes.
Often clad in a tight white T-shirt and usually form-fitting red or pink shorts, she would climb over the railing and with her arms and other body parts flailing, sprint towards her intended, all the time with a huge smile on her face. She would kiss the players on the cheek, whisper some words of encouragement and give them a pat on the back while the crowd roared their approval.
The first time she got Brett was in a 1977 game against Baltimore at Royals Stadium. Brett found out where she was performing and the next night, with the help of the doorman, crashed the stage during her performance and gave her a kiss.
Morganna got George back during the 1977 All-Star game in the Seattle Kingdome. As Brett stepped in to face Steve Carlton, Morganna made a sprint to home plate, giving George a peck on the cheek.
After she was led away, George needed a moment to compose himself. The whole thing was wonderful. This has led to a lifelong friendship between George and Morganna, who still exchange Christmas cards.
The best had to be Nolan Ryan. Known as a fierce competitor, Ryan got down on one knee and threw his arms into the air as Morganna approached, as if to say, “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you!” This led to her arrest (One of 19) and her attorney, Richard “Racehorse” Haynes told the judge, “This woman with a 112-pound body and a 15-pound chest, leaned over the railing to grab a foul ball. Gravity took its toll, and she fell onto the field and the rest is history.” The judge laughed and dismissed all charges and thus the Gravity defense was born.
There have also been disappointments. Morganna tried to get Ryne Sandberg during the first night game at Wrigley Field on August 8, 1988. I watched that game on live TV and it was a spectacle. First, it was beastly hot in Chicago that night, which prompted Cubs announcer Harry Carey and his sidekick Bill Murray to imbibe heavily in cold beers, while both sweated profusely. By the start of the game, both men sounded like they were two sheets to the wind. In the bottom of the first, as Sandberg stepped to the plate, Morganna made her move, jumping the rail on the right field line and sprinting towards Sandberg.
I’ll always remember Carey’s call:
Caray: “Look who’s coming on the field, I think this is Morganna, it’s Morganna, she wants to kiss Ryne Sandberg, the field guards, the management control people intercept her.”
Murray: “You have to give those ushers a lot of credit, they caught her from behind and she had a big head start on them.”
Caray: “Well I can’t say much for his imagination.”
Murray: “I couldn’t see anything Harry, I lost her in the lights.”
After being led away by the killjoy ushers, Sandberg stepped into the box and cranked a home run into the left-field seats. Unfortunately, the game was rained out on a violent monsoon after the fourth inning. So much for Wrigley being called the friendly confines.
She also got roughed up once in Cincinnati, suffering a cracked kneecap, bruised ribs and a broken tailbone. In an interview with USA Today’s Josh Peter, Morganna said, “sometimes the rent-a-cops get a little carried away. That’s just part of it. That and the jail is just part of it.” Take that, Paul Blart.
Through it all, Morganna retained her world-class sense of humor and despite becoming a national celebrity with appearances on Carson, Letterman, and the Pat Sajak show (Pat had a show?), she never got too big for her brassiere.
Morganna officially retired in 2000 and since has lived a quiet life in Ohio. The older readers will remember her. During her time, she was an event. Aside from the sporting antics, she also appeared in Playboy three times, June 1983, April of 1985, and September of 1989 in case you’re wondering. She got her own baseball card and a display in the National Baseball Hall of Fame. In 1996, she appeared in the movie Kingpin, rushing the bowling lane to plant a kiss on Roy Munson, during his showdown with…Murray’s Ernie McCracken.
“Hey, Herbie. How’s life?”
“Takin’ forever”.
Morganna once owned part of the minor league Utica Blue Sox, and her appearances always led to a spike in attendance. Once the Sox were mired in a losing streak and in last place. Morganna gave the boys a pep talk and they promptly won 40 of their next 54 games. Motivation can be found in many forms.
Breast wishes to the Grand Dame of Baseball, the one and only Morganna, a baseball icon and national treasure.
