DEAR ABBY: My husband has cancer, and the doctors say he has maybe a year left.
Before his diagnosis, we had friends we would hang out with and go to dinner with once or twice a month. Now I don't hear a word from them. They don't call or text to ask how we are doing. Is it my responsibility to get ahold of them? I feel like I'm all alone in this fight, and they don't seem to care. — INVISIBLE IN IOWA
DEAR INVISIBLE: What a sad letter. Please accept my sympathy for your husband's prognosis. This is a tragic situation, and not one that you and your husband should be facing alone. The absence of these friends may have less to do with lack of caring than an overwhelming fear of cancer and an inability to face their own mortality.
Of course you can reach out to them. But after that, if they still can't step up, you might have better luck by joining a cancer support group. If you do, you will find you are nowhere near as alone as you think you are.
DEAR ABBY: I was raped by a family member and, due to special circumstances, told no one except one other family member, who I swore to secrecy. She recently got mad at me because of my religious beliefs, and now she's saying if I pass away before she does, she's going to tell my grown children who assaulted me.
I'm praying she said it out of anger, but I'm scared because I know my children would harm the rapist, if not kill him, for what he did. I can't understand why this family member would say such a thing. What can I say or do to protect my secret? God has taken care of me, and my violator is locked up now for other reasons. — FEARFUL IN THE WEST
DEAR FEARFUL: When you told your relative about your rape, it was no longer a secret. Because you are now afraid she will tell your children, approach her by saying that if she follows through, you fear they will take revenge after he is released and, by doing so, ruin their own lives.
DEAR ABBY: I need advice about getting in contact with my daughter. She's 22 and has a busy life. I understand her struggles with balancing all the day-to-day commitments, but she will not return my calls or texts. We have had a bruised past because of my divorce five years ago, but we have talked things through to where I feel we have been repairing old wounds.
Every time we are together, it's as if nothing has marred our relationship. I know she's young, but I need to know if I should be more persistent or just wait for her to eventually contact me. — WAITING PARENT IN WASHINGTON
DEAR PARENT: You didn't mention how persistent you have been, but you won't become closer to your daughter if you hound her with requests for more contact. She may be busy, distracted or just self-centered. Text or call her once a month and you may have better luck getting a response.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
