DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted two couples for dinner at our home that went very well. The next day, I was experiencing some stomach upset and GI issues.
I am not sure if the culprit was the food I served, but if so, it may have been that the lettuce was not thoroughly washed.
I texted my guests to thank them again for coming and let them know we enjoyed their company. I also told them about my GI issues and asked if they were experiencing any symptoms, saying that if they were, I apologized profusely.
My husband told me that it was rude to inquire about their health, since we weren’t sure about whether it was the food that made me sick.
He also said I “put them on the spot” regarding either confirming that my culinary error made them sick or fibbing to make me feel better.
GENTLE READER: There are ways to inquire about others’ health without going into sordid details. The phrase “GI issues,” for example, need not be uttered (twice, here, making Miss Manners herself rather queasy).
Instead, you may say, “I do hope that you are feeling well after our dinner. I myself felt a bit off, so I just wanted to check on you.”
And make sure that next time, you thoroughly wash that lettuce.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I kindly tell my sister that her son’s texts to the family are annoying?
He’s 14, and his texts and phone etiquette leave us scratching our heads. He doesn’t “read the room,” often sending gifs and memes more appropriate for his friends than a family chat that includes his mom, aunts and grandparents. Or he will call several times in a row, then call us mean if we don’t answer.
GENTLE READER: Is there a chance that this boy is trying to communicate with you?
The multiple phone calls and texts would indicate so.
Miss Manners suggests redirecting his misguided attempts by saying, “I’m sorry that I don’t understand the gifs and memes you send, but if you would like to chat or go out for a meal or a walk, I would be happy to do that with you.”
You could initiate this, of course, by answering the phone — before it gets mean.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I are gay men in our 30s. We are in a committed, monogamous relationship, and we seem to be the only ones.
When I’m in spaces meant for queer people and I mention that I’m in a relationship, I often get asked, “Are you guys open?”
I can’t tell if this is a come-on or a simple question, but I can’t stand it.
I have no problem with other people being polyamorous or being in open relationships, but I think it’s tacky to always talk about it or put one’s business out there. It’s even worse when it feels like people are pressuring you to break your monogamous ways.
How do I answer this question truthfully without getting offended or coming off like a fuddy-duddy?
GENTLE READER: “No.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
