DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago, and it left me feeling heartbroken and confused.
He said he wasn’t sure about our relationship anymore, and while he didn’t give a lot of specifics, it was clear he had doubts.
I was trying to process everything, feeling sad and wondering what went wrong.
Then, out of the blue, he reached out and asked if we could get back together. Now I’m feeling even more confused.
I still have strong feelings for him, and part of me wants to say yes because I miss him. But I can’t ignore the fact that he was the one who ended things. If he had doubts about us a few weeks ago, how do I know he won’t have those same feelings again?
I’m torn between wanting to give him and our relationship another chance and protecting myself from possibly being hurt again. I worry that jumping back in so soon might mean we’re ignoring the deeper issues that caused him to leave in the first place.
Should I ask him to explain why he’s had this sudden change of heart?
— Take Him Back
DEAR TAKE HIM BACK: Under no circumstances should you take him back without fully understanding what happened. You should be suspicious and guarded.
Investigate the situation. Interrogate him. Why did he leave you in the first place? Did something happen? Was there someone else? Did someone in his life try to turn him against you? Find out what it was.
Don’t let him brush it off. He owes you this explanation even if the two of you don’t get back together.
Then ask him why you should trust him now. What is different? How can you be sure that he won’t hurt you again?
As you listen to whatever he has to say, remain guarded. He was willing to crush your feelings and then attempt to yo-yo back to you. I find that suspicious. You are probably better off staying away and creating space to find someone who will be more respectful.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like such a loser. I lost my job last year, and I haven’t been able to find anything since.
I am professionally trained, but it doesn’t seem to matter anymore.
I am wondering if I should try to get one of these hourly clerical jobs that I see online. I am a little nervous, though, because I’m not sure if I can trust them. How do you know if a job is legitimate?
— On the Hunt
DEAR ON THE HUNT: Do as much research as you can on the company in question before signing up.
Look for employment reviews; glassdoor.com is a good resource. Check with the Better Business Bureau.
Do not give any company money. Ask for your paycheck to be mailed to you at first, rather than giving your bank account information. Most important: If it feels wrong, don’t do it.
Jobs that come with references often seem safer. Before you give up, ask around in your neighborhood and community to see what options you may have missed.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
