After a week off, a new episode feels fresh, and it really gets going when the charter starts, thanks to hard-to-please guests, who are always entertaining. No matter what the crew does, the guests find something to criticize – a struggle that may feel all-too-familiar to those spending the holidays with family. If you make a mom a cocktail … anyway, it’s the morning after Danni and Chase’s hook-up, and there’s surprisingly little blowback in the aftermath. Danni hopes he’ll want to continue hooking anchors. Chase is all “wow”s, thrilled to have gotten laid when he’s only been there three days, a huge difference from his sexless season last year. Producers and Gary ask him about what seemed like a promising relationship with Diana, but Chase is unbothered. He’s glad that Danni seized the opportunity, basically saying that Diana is too reserved. Thankfully, Diana seems to be in decent humor about the whole thing in the morning. She knows herself, and she’s not going to go for someone after only three days. As they clean cabins, Danni, who only needs minutes to get horny for anyone with a penis, says: “You can have Gary.” Diana: “No thanks.”
Daisy is also rejecting Gary for the zillionth time. To celebrate being successfully sober for one night out, he asks Daisy to get a drink off the boat, just the two of them (but it’s not a date). It looks like they split a bottle of wine, which for normal people would be a lot, but for these two is actually drinking in moderation. Gary quickly makes this non-date a quasi-date by asking what Daisy’s looking for in life and if she could see a relationship with him. Daisy says she’s having too much fun for a relationship, which feels like a lie, but then gets to more of the truth: she thinks they both have a lot of work to do on themselves, but she’s been doing more of that work than he has. Gary problematically believes their shared experiences and trauma bonding are the perfect foundation for a relationship. Except, that messy history and how he’s treated her in the past is exactly why Daisy says there’s no way they’ll happen again. Gary doesn’t seem to fully give up hope, trying to hold hands as they walk back to the boat. They’re in a good-enough place as friends. Let’s naively hope we never have to hear about this again.
Back on the boat, the Daisy fan club (Keith and Cloyce) fishes for details from Gary, but he doesn’t give the two much. Keith, wisely, wants to avoid getting stuck in the quicksand of a Gary-Daisy love triangle and decides to back off a little, although the next morning, he still flirts with Daisy over how much Powerade the deck crew drinks. Diana is more convincing in her resolve to not take part in a lust triangle with Danni and Chase. She will not hook up with him post-Danni, and this development pushes her toward allying more with Daisy when it comes to interior dynamics. Daisy comforts Diana by calling Chase an idiot “because boys are idiots.” When Chase goes to sleep early, Danni joins him to cuddle, cementing their situationship status.
The next charter is only one night, but it quickly proves to be a tough one. The co-primaries are friends Jillian, a healthcare operations specialist, and Sharie, a celebrity hairstylist. It’s kind of weird to bring one husband, Marcell, on a girl’s trip, but that’s not why they’re tough guests. They’re a whole group of Debbie Downers, always finding the negative: the hot tub isn’t a pool, the cabins look like their college dorm, the margaritas aren’t strong enough, etc. The high-maintenance flags are flying as well — they ask the stews to unpack their bags and yell for Daisy non-stop with drink requests.
This group knows how to play into the classic Below Deck archetype of demanding guests, but they must not have realized they signed up for the sailing spin-off because they do not like sailing. They get seasick from tilting, which sends Chase running for a bucket that ultimately goes unused. The deck crew tries to win them back over with water toys, but the Negative Nancies aren’t into the Seabobs. Tonya: “I think it’s supposed to be fun.” Gary tries to liven up the mood and teach them but to no avail. Sharie: “I’m done. I’ve tried it.”
The guests requested a mixology lesson and a seven-course meal with cocktail pairings, but a theme starts to emerge: they do not actually want the things they asked for. Daisy runs the cocktail class, ready to teach three different drinks. Valid complaint: they only have one muddler for mojitos. Ridiculous complaint: the mango martinis aren’t sweet enough. Martinis aren’t sweet, and you literally made it — just add some sugar! The group quits before the third cocktail and leaves to get ready for dinner.
Of course, they don’t like that the table is a booth. Cloyce starts with a romaine wedge salad that they love, but they hate the Aperol spritz pairing. Sharie says it tastes like cough syrup, and downstairs, Davide is offended on behalf of all Italians. Next, Cloyce does another goddamn “play” that’s not a play at all, this time on Oysters Rockefeller, calling them Cloysters Rockefeller. Anyone else’s eyes get stuck in the back of their head? He pours hot water over bowls of stones — I pause the TV to try to see whether there are some clams in there or something, but it looks like just stones. What is this, a sauna? He starts to wax poetic about finding fresh oysters amongst rocks when Daisy accidentally spills the cocktails all over the table and a guest’s phone. Even worse, Sharie doesn’t eat oysters (yet she had them on her preference sheet). It’s an utter disaster. The unimpressed guests are so stone-faced they match Cloyce’s stones.
By the third course, a fried crab cake with mango daiquiris, the diners are already getting full, think the drinks are too strong, and as for half-drinks. It’s exhausting: it’s 11:37 p.m. and we’re only on the fourth course, french onion soup and Hennessy French 75s, which are not half-orders. The guests complain about the drinks, and Daisy’s like, you don’t have to finish them, but does reduce them for the last courses. There’s sea bass, filet mignon with mashed potatoes, and an apple crumble with ice cream. Kudos to Cloyce for getting everything ready on time and the food not being the issue, although his menu was definitely too heavy overall for seven courses. Pairing that with all the drinks, it’s no wonder someone throws up during the night. Disgustingly, they leave it in a tied plastic bag in the hallway for the crew to find in the morning. Supposedly they couldn’t find a trash can.
For breakfast, Cloyce finally makes a nice-looking quiche, which the guests deem “not that good.” This seems destined to be an awful tip. At port, the crew waits on shore to see them off, but inside, Glenn checks in with the unhappy guests first. They say there were “a few hiccups.” Jillian is ready to rattle off their list of complaints, which we’ll have to wait until next week to hear.
