DEAR DEIDRE: I CRY my eyes out whenever I look at old photographs of my wife.
She has dementia and had to move into a care home.
I have had to stop visiting her because it tears me up and I don’t want her to see me like this.
Her dementia has become so bad that she thinks she hasn’t seen me for years, even though we had our 25th wedding anniversary together recently.
I am 75 and my wife is 73. I have a few pictures of her in my lounge, but cry when I look at them or kiss them.
I even talk to the photos, asking my wife why she had to develop dementia and leave me.
She had to move to a new care home recently because she is becoming more aggressive toward fellow residents.
They say she keeps talking about how much she loves me and wants to be with me, but I know I couldn’t manage.
I can’t sleep properly, as I think of her day and night. It is becoming exhausting.
I feel sorry for myself, too, because of the pain and loneliness.
Do I put the photos away in a drawer and try to move on?
Or should I move away to start a new life? I don’t know what is best to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Having a partner with dementia is like a living bereavement.
But your wife will benefit from your visits, even if she doesn’t recognise you.
Meanwhile, try to look after your physical health.
It’s normal to find it hard to eat and sleep, but do what you can to take care of yourself.
The stronger you are physically, the more energy you will have to deal with the wide range of emotions you are experiencing.
Whether or not you move on is an intensely personal decision.
You can find support through Dementia UK (dementiauk.org, 0800 888 6678).
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
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