DEAR ABBY: I am a widow of two decades who has raised a family in an old historic home in a small island town.
In the course of renovating and maintaining the home, a father-and-son electrician team have been like family.
During the past year or so, the dad, who is in his late 70s (older than I am), has started making unwanted romantic overtures in the form of suggestive or lovey-dovey texts, emails, phone calls, invitations to lunch or cocktails and professions of having harbored “secret fantasies” while working for me throughout the years. What’s even worse is that his romantic partner of decades is in a mid-range stage of dementia.
I find this annoying and insulting, and I have politely discouraged or tried to deflect his overtures with humor. Fortunately, he does not live on the island, but if he sees my car in town, he begs me to meet up for a “quick hug.”
Electricians of his caliber are rare, and I really can’t afford to lose him. His moonlighting rates have always been a “friends and family” deal. His son has taken a job with a big outfit and is rarely available.
How do I pull the plug on the dad’s amorous advances, without him blowing a fuse?
— EXTINGUISHED IN MAINE
DEAR EXTINGUISHED: Tell this man in plain English that you think he is a terrific friend, but you are morally opposed to involving yourself romantically with anyone whose partner is ill. He needs to hear it.
DEAR ABBY: My mom and two sisters constantly complain about their physical ailments.
None of them has been evaluated or diagnosed by a physician. They have tried repeatedly to treat themselves with outdated advice and cure-alls that aren’t backed by scientific information.
I have tried to express to them the importance of proper nutrition and resistance training, since building and keeping muscle is so important as we age.
Abby, I’m no expert, but I have transformed my body and my life with those simple rules.
My mom and sisters are so defensive and dismissive of my advice, I’ve all but given up trying to talk to them.
If they won’t at least try something new to feel better, how can I deal with their constant complaining? Do I keep suggesting the same things to them? Do I ignore their complaints?
— FAMILY HELPER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR HELPER: Because trying to guide your mother and your sisters toward a healthier lifestyle hasn’t worked and has become a source of frustration for you, stop trying to help. They have tuned you out, and your efforts are wasted.
A step in the right direction would be to ignore their complaints and change the subject rather than give them advice they won’t follow.
DEAR READERS: Oh, how quickly the past year has flown! I wish you all a happy, healthy and successful 2025. I join you tonight in toasting a New Year that will be filled with hope for all of us. If you are celebrating tonight, please take measures to protect not only your own health but also the safety of others. Happy new year, everyone! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
