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During the first 10 years of my life as a parent, I was the sole breadwinner for my family of four. My wife and I are grateful to have raised our children this way, especially during their early, formative years.
Raising children as the sole breadwinner puts you through the full gamut of emotions. There was stress, exhaustion, and moments of dread — but looking back on it now, I mostly remember a lot of joy, love, and a deep sense of connection and purpose.
Being a sole breadwinner also taught me a few priceless lessons about health, wealth, and the value of time.
As a sole breadwinner, I had built-in motivation every day to keep expanding my earning power. At one point, I had a corporate day job and a side hustle at night. After our second child was born, I quit my cubicle job and started my own business. I figured out how to work harder, learn new skills, and make more money than I ever had before.
Don't believe anyone who says "money can't buy happiness." Boosting my income as the breadwinner bought us better options, stress relief, and freedom from fear. I'm still grateful for every paycheck.
As a family on one income, we lowered our expectations and learned to live with less. We drove old, paid-for used cars. We took a few years off from saving for retirement. We cooked almost every meal at home. We took the kids to free activities like playgrounds and parks, and we went to the library instead of spending money at malls and movie theaters.
In order to conserve our cash flow, sometimes we had to say "no" to things that we would've liked to buy. But living simply mostly felt good — it helped me have lower stress levels and deeper connections with my family.
As a sole breadwinner, I learned that I need to take care of the money-making "engine" that is my mind and body — and that meant prioritizing self-care, exercise, and nutrition. My family won't benefit if I'm stressed out and suffering. I had to be more intentional about getting plenty of sleep, going for walks, going to therapy, and seeing a doctor for regular health checkups.
I also tried hard to make time to socialize with friends, eat good food, and unplug from work. Health is wealth, and by taking better care of my own health and wellness, my family was better off, too.
As a sole breadwinner, it's easy to fall into a pattern of feeling like life's a blur and every day is a treadmill. Some breadwinners end up checking out of family life, becoming emotionally distant or resentful, or turning into workaholics. I've had a few low moments and dark nights of the soul.
But as I look back on my time as a sole breadwinner, I'm glad that I tried to keep connecting with my family every day, even when bills were due and the bank account balance was low. I spent many hours holding our babies and reading bedtime stories, slicing up grapes and cantaloupes for little hands to hold, and getting the kids strapped into their car seats to go visit their grandparents. And I hope I said "thank you" frequently to my wife, for all the unpaid work she did that freed up my time to go make money.
I have a museum of happy memories in my mind from when my children were small. Even though the days could be stressful, my years as a sole breadwinner were some of the best times of my life. All the effort invested in my children and my career was totally worth it.
