DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a hot-and-heavy romance with a man earlier this year, and then it just went cold.
We were totally into each other until he stopped being kind.
At first, this strong man actually seemed sweet, or at least sweet on me, but then something changed. I’m not sure what happened, and I haven’t been able to get him to talk to me about it at all.
I’ve tried to do things that would reignite the spark we had, but now I feel stupid for trying so hard.
These days we talk only if I call him and maybe lure him over with a meal or a present. Pathetic, right? But I’m finding it hard to let go.
What should I do? It’s like he got my heart, then he discarded it.
— Brokenhearted
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Take a deep breath. Assess the situation as objectively as you can.
From what you have described, it seems as though you had an exciting love affair that ran its course. By your account, it is over. Now you have to accept that.
No matter how good it was, if he is not behaving in an attentive, loving, reciprocal manner anymore, he is not worth your time. You absolutely should not have to bribe him with gifts in order to get him to pay attention to you.
Walk away. If he tries to come back, let your expectations for a relationship be known.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother was recently diagnosed with dementia, and she has had a rapid downhill decline in the past few months.
While she does have insurance, I have had to pick up the slack for most of the additional expenses, and I’m quickly running out of money. It is horrible how expensive everything is. I used to think I had some money, but now I understand that a health crisis can wipe out a whole life savings.
My brother and I do not have the capacity to care for our mother anymore. She wandered off while living with him recently. Both of us have to work, so there’s nobody at home during the day.
That said, I won’t be able to foot the bills for a caretaker for much longer.
I love my mother more than anything and want to do right by her. What can I do? How can I help her when I’m running out of money?
— Turning Point
DEAR TURNING POINT: Talk to your mother’s insurance company about options, and call assisted living facilities with memory care units to discuss the cost to move your mother there.
Speak to state officials about state-sponsored health care for the elderly. Through Medicare or Medicaid — depending on your mother’s age and financial status — you should be able to find a place for her to live that will meet your financial requirements. It may not be as comfortable as the home of you or your brother, but help is available.
To get direction on resources to help your mother, go to: alzheimers.gov/life-with-dementia/find-local-services.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
