From sex drive woes to cheating and porn addiction, Dear Deidre reveals readers’ most common problems of 2024

ENTRUSTED with our readers’ deep secrets, the Dear Deidre team really have a unique insight into what dilemmas the nation is grappling with.

Of course, there are some constants — cheating, differing sex drives, low self-esteem and loneliness.

But some issues loom larger in certain years as new problems come to the fore.

As 2024 nears an end, we take a look at what exactly our readers have been writing in about.

Every year, we help thousands of people by answering every single dilemma with a personalised answer, and we’ve kept a record of the issues we’ve tackled.

Relationship issues consistently come out on top, with 23 per cent of the emails Dear Deidre receives focused on romantic problems.

Sex came a close second, with 19 per cent of readers writing in with a sexual dilemma.

Interestingly, half of every single relationship message addressed cheating.

Sometimes, the unfaithful party would be writing in, otherwise a suspicious or heartbroken partner worried about their relationship.

Among the emails about cheating on partners, home surveillance and doorbell cameras featured more prominently, with some partners forgetting to turn off cameras before inviting flings to come back to their homes.

A growing number of readers also wrote in because, although they were separated, financial constraints meant they could not move out of the marital home.

The reluctant house sharers were frustrated at being unable to move on — a trend that reflects economic uncertainty in the UK.

Notable developments this year have been new requests for support with quitting vaping.

Another new issue came in the form of pensioners worrying about losing their winter fuel allowance.

Social media has been a common theme in all the categories.

It is impossible to quantify but has had a huge impact.

So many of the relationship problems relate to partners ogling scantily clad influencers or flirting with others they have met online.

Plenty don’t see this as cheating but the feeling of betrayal is real for those on the receiving end.

And it’s not just cheating that worries people.

Time spent watching endless videos encourages weird infatuations, with one woman complaining her husband had become obsessed with the French election.

Opportunity for temptation

He insisted they spend their family holiday in France watching speeches — and had previously had no interest in politics.

The issue of phone addiction came up, particularly for parents fretting about not only what their children were being exposed to, but also how their mobile activity was affecting their own behaviour.

They asked our team for help on how to manage this.

And a huge number of adults wrote in fed up with their partner, who had little interest in them but spent all hours playing online games or scrolling through their socials.

It’s clear that while technology enables us to do far more and do it efficiently, left unchecked it threatens our real-world connections and provides more opportunity for temptation.

Next year, I will be recording when social media, phone usage and the internet are mentioned as part of the problem, and I predict this will be a huge growth area.

Below is a reader’s letter about ogling, followed by one about winter fuel allowance.

I also break down what percentages of our mail different types of letter make up.

Mortified after ex saw me having sex on security cam (Letter from November 14)

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex saw me having sex with a one-night stand using the camera security system he’d installed as a favour to me.

I was completely unaware that he was watching this, until he turned up the next morning and got very upset with me.

Originally, I was grateful for his help setting up the system, but now I feel really uncomfortable.

He said he’d received an alert on his phone and checked it by chance, but I can’t help worrying he’s keeping an eye on me.

He insists he hasn’t been watching and that was a one-off, but the whole experience has really unsettled me.

I’m 36, my ex is 39, and we were together for eight years before we broke up five months ago.

Our split was both mutually agreed, and amicable, and we decided to remain friends.

We still met up and sometimes even had sex, but as we didn’t discuss what this meant I thought we were simply friends with benefits.

I really appreciated still having him in my life.

When I was moving house, he offered to help, knowing how useless I am at DIY.

He helped put up shelves, and installed security cameras which he set up online so I could view them through an app.

I knew he had access to it all while he set it up but assumed he’d log out.

So when I brought a man home, I didn’t think twice.

Now I feel mortified.

He says he didn’t mean to breach my privacy, but I feel so conflicted.

DEIDRE SAYS:

Watching you have sex with another man was a huge breach of your privacy, and you shouldn’t take it lightly.

As a priority, please ensure that you are the only one with access to your security system.

Make sure you’re the primary account holder and change your password so that he doesn’t have access.

It’s completely understandable that this experience has made you question the sort of person he is.

Unless you decide you can trust him completely, you would be wise to stay away.

At the very least, it’s clear that the lines are blurred between you and your ex and some boundaries need to be re-established.

As for your relationship with him, you need to decide if there’s any hope of a future together.

If you decide there’s not, it would be best to step away so you can both move on.

My support pack Moving On will help.

Left freezing since losing fuel payment (Letter from December 18)

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE the Government cut my Winter Fuel Payment, I’ve been struggling to afford my bills.

Now I’m forced to choose between putting my heating on or buying food, and the stress is making me unwell.

I’m a 76-year-old pensioner, and live alone.

Until this year, I was receiving £200 payments to cover the cost of my heating bills, and I heavily relied on it.

So when the Government announced the change, I went into a complete panic.

My pension is already low as it is, so without the extra payments I knew it was going to be a hard couple of months.

When I contacted the council for help, they told me that, while I was eligible to apply, I had missed the deadline so now I’d have to go without.

Ever since, my life has been an absolute nightmare.

Now I wake up every morning to a freezing house – and no matter what I do, I can’t keep warm.

The constant dread is getting me down, and I’m now struggling to cope.

DEIDRE SAYS:

I can only imagine how distressing this must be for you.

While the qualifying week for this year’s Fuel Payment has now passed, you may still be eligible if you successfully apply for Pension Credit by December 21.

Please note that you only have two days to do this, so please take action today.

You may also be eligible for a £150 Warm Home Discount. You can find out more about this on the government website (gov.uk/the-warm-home-discount-scheme).