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I went to a liberal arts college that felt, at times, like a four-year sleepaway camp.
After spending high school studying, not dating, and having no social life, college was a dream come true. During freshman year, I snagged a great roommate, several lifelong friends, and a boyfriend.
When it came time to decide if I should study abroad, it was sophomore year, and I was still going strong with my roommate, friends, and boyfriend. I didn't want to leave them, so I decided not to study abroad.
I'm big on accepting my past decisions, but this one, to decline the opportunity to study abroad, is one of my persisting regrets.
When asked, I told people I "couldn't" go abroad and still graduate on time. I was a double major and trying to minor in classics. There were quite a few graduation requirements I'd yet to take, and I remember thinking it would be hard to get all my credits for general ed and my majors while abroad. I didn't want my senior year of college to be spent scrambling to graduate.
If I'm being honest with myself, though, I was scared. I wasn't good at learning languages, so I'd either have to go somewhere English-speaking or put forth a significant effort to gain mediocre language skills in order to navigate another country. I wasn't a very chill traveler, had only ever traveled with family, and liked my comfort foods and spaces.
But my biggest fear was that I would miss out on a great social life I built. Socially, my life had never been better. I'd found a home at my school, had friends who were like family, and was in a relationship. He told me he wasn't planning to go abroad either for similar reasons: He also had a competitive major and liked his life the way it was.
I didn't want to miss a moment with those people.
I was immensely lucky and privileged to be at college: A scholarship and my parents paid my tuition. I should've taken the opportunity given to me at that time, so it was short-sighted not to have the chance and study a culture other than my own.
My junior year ended up being one of the most stressful times of my life. The boyfriend and I broke up and got back together — and then we had even more issues. Many of my friends were abroad either for one semester or the whole year, including my previous roommate. Her replacement for the fall semester and I were, to put it mildly, a bad fit. I never felt so alone as I did those first few months of junior year.
I regretted not going abroad, but I was still nervous to do so because my on-and-off-again boyfriend was still on campus.
Looking back 20 years later, I wish I'd just gone on my own little adventure. It would have been good for me to stretch my comfort zone at 20 when I was able to move more freely than I am now that I'm financially and physically responsible for myself and two kids.
Because I married that college boyfriend, had two children, and then divorced in 2020, I often wonder if it was worth staying behind for him.
I honestly think it was a sliding doors moment, and my entire life would be different today if I'd taken the opportunity. While I'd like to think I learned from my junior year experiences, I think I could have gotten there faster with a little physical distance from the place and people I'd come to rely on for emotional regulation.
The "Friends" finale aired in the spring of my freshman year — when I was entrenched in these relationships. Rachel famously gets off the plane, doesn't go to Paris, and gives up her dream career. We were supposed to think her staying with her friends and baby-daddy/sometimes boyfriend was the peak of romance. Now, I wish that both Rachel and I had gotten on that plane and taken the chance on the unknown.
