DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up in an era when it was customary to enclose a personal check in a greeting card as a gift. This worked for celebrations attended in person, and also when the card was mailed.
Personal checks are being used less and less. I personally write maybe two or three per month.
My adult daughter just attended the wedding of a college classmate, and where we live, the vast majority of wedding gifts are envelopes containing cash or checks. While my daughter has maintained a checking account for several years, she hasn’t needed a checkbook until this wedding.
Our solution was to have her transfer funds to my account, and then I wrote the check to the newlyweds.
With the changing times, is it acceptable to use online money transfer services for such occasions? On the surface, it would come across as tacky for a wedding invitation to include, say, a Venmo link, but it would be rather convenient for all parties.
GENTLE READER: It would be even more efficient for them to ask for your bank account and routing numbers.
Miss Manners will spare her readers the lecture on money being an unseemly present, as it lacks that once-treasured ingredient of thoughtfulness. But she will say that if you must give it, a written check is at least a bit more decorous.
A physical envelope, while probably no more likely to solicit a thank-you letter, will at least be a reminder that a present was given — as opposed to a sterile financial transaction on a website called “Gimme Dat Money.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I best phrase a request for guests to let me know about any accommodations they might need when I’m planning a midsize to large party?
Examples might include dietary restrictions or mobility needs, and the context is a casual event where guests would bring dishes to pass. Most of our party planning and discussion is done digitally.
I’d love to know a script that would let people know they can speak up without feeling put on the spot. I want them to know that we’re happy to assist, and that helping them is not burdensome in any way. It’s a tricky balance to strike.
GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners if she has gotten cynical that a guest would be reluctant to come forward to state their preferences and needs. She is so used to hearing from annoyed and overburdened hosts who get so many such requests that they do not know how to fulfill them all.
That you are actually soliciting this information and eager to accommodate it is refreshing.
Since this is already a casual event where guests are being asked to bring their own dishes, it is unlikely that guests will not serve their own dietary needs. But for other types of accommodation, Miss Manners suggests, “We are looking forward to seeing you. Please let us know if there are any special requirements you may have.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
