Happy end of 2024, my friends. And by that I mean congratulations to us all for making it through this insane year. I don’t think we’re under any illusions that next year will be better on a geopolitical scale, but I hope that if you had some tough shit thrown at you this year (or even if you didn’t!), your 2025 is smooth sailing. And if it isn’t, well, at least we’ll inevitably have the hijinks of the rich and famous to distract us. In that vein, we’ve endeavored to predict what they might get up to…
My other hope today is that you’re reading this in the no-man’s-land time between Christmas and New Year’s, in a haze of sugar—and maybe weed or booze, if that’s your thing. I hope these make you chuckle, or prompt a heated debate, or stick in your mind in a weird way such that, in four to eight months’ time, you Mandela Effect yourself and end up “remembering” some of these predictions as actually happening. But most importantly: I hope the luminous minds here at Jezebel are proven right. If we are, we’ll be sure to remind you.
And if you think we’re missing any big ones, leave them in the comments.
- Ben Affleck and J.Lo get back together.
- Frank Ocean and Rihanna drop surprise albums on the same day.
- The Ashlyn Harris-Ali Krieger divorce drama gets really dark, and then surprisingly lighthearted and funny, but then dark again when we discover they were planning to launch a cryptocurrency together.
- Blake Lively’s first post-lawsuit press appearance is on Call Her Daddy.
- Related: Gina Rodriguez defends Justin Baldoni but ends up making him look even worse.
- Marcello Hernández is catapulted to A-List status when the feature film Domingo is announced.
- Video leaks of Donald Trump Jr. doing a lot of drugs.
- Amelia Dimoldenberg and Andrew Garfield go on an actual date.
- Beyoncé finally wins Album of the Year.
- Kenan Thompson announces he’s finally leaving Saturday Night Live at the end of its 50th season. However, he continues performing in season 51 without any further comment.
- Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco break up.
- Simone Biles launches a beauty brand.
- We go another year without tasting American Riviera Orchard jam.
- Elon Musk changes the X logo to look dangerously akin to a swastika.
- Lana Del Rey starts working part-time at her husband’s Bayou boat tour business until it’s reported that she does not have an airboat driving license.
- Kaia Gerber takes her love of literature one step further: She's writing a novel.
- Luigi Mangione is acquitted, immediately goes on Dancing With The Stars.
- We continue to see groundbreaking innovation in the celebrity apology Notes App sphere.
- Blue Ivy makes her Broadway debut.
- Sabrina Carpenter and Jacob Elordi briefly romantically linked.
- A hodge-podge of celebrities attend Donald Trump inauguration parties, including 50 Cent, Mark Wahlberg, M.I.A., Alicia Silverstone, and Nick Jonas.
- Josh O’Connor and Mike Faist kiss at the Oscars. (A girl can dream, OK?)
- Taylor Swift goes quiet for six months.
- Cynthia Erivo posts cryptically about how much she dislikes Ethan Slater.
- Rachel Sennott, Molly Gordon, Jordan Firstman throuple.
- Jared Leto exposé finally drops.
- Hunter Biden launches a podcast.
- Charli D'Amelio gets nominated for a Tony; a telecast producer lets slip that it's explicitly to get Gen Z to tune in.
