DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH he seemed like the perfect man, my boyfriend’s constant demands to see me drove me away and led to our break-up.
It felt like he was obsessed, and he took it personally when I was busy with work or my kids.
He couldn’t respect my boundaries. Am I better off without him?
I’m 39 and he’s 46. We both have children from previous relationships.
When we first got together two years ago, I was so happy.
He was loving, generous, easy to talk to and great in bed. He also got on well with my kids.
But once we had settled into our relationship, the cracks started to show.
He is semi-retired after doing well in business, and doesn’t work much.
He only sees his children on alternate weekends.
I have a full-time job, as well as caring for my children.
But he didn’t seem to understand I could only see him a few days a week.
He wanted all my time. If I couldn’t meet him, he’d get moody and upset.
He also never wanted to come out with my friends, saying he only wanted to see me – which meant I never saw them.
He doesn’t seem to have many of his own, or any hobbies. We argued a lot about it and last weekend he ended the relationship.
I love him but need space and time away from him. Should I try again or is this relationship doomed?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: All couples need time away from each other in order for their relationship to thrive.
It sounds like your boyfriend has no other interests or friendships, which isn’t healthy.
You made your boundaries clear but he couldn’t respect them. He might be insecure, or just not good at occupying himself.
And while he may be a lovely man, his obsession with you and inability to share you could be seen as controlling.
If you still care for him and want to make it work, you could try talking to him again.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, might help you have this conversation.
Perhaps suggest some relationship counselling together. See my support pack, How Counselling Can Help, and contact tavistockrelationships.org to set up an appointment.
But if nothing changes, you might have to walk away.
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