DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a regular walking group where I have become friends with about a third of the walkers. The rest I’m polite with but consider them acquaintances only.
I host an annual party at my home for my friends. I send out private email invitations and don’t discuss the event during the walks.
One of the walkers, a rather clingy person whom I consider only an acquaintance, told me she heard I was having a party, and invited herself. I couldn’t say no. She’s a decent person, but we have nothing in common.
What can I say in the future to avoid accepting self-inviting party crashers?
GENTLE READER: Treat it as you would a wedding: “It’s only a small group this year, but I look forward to catching up with you on our walks.”
Miss Manners suggests you also remind your invited friends not to issue unauthorized invitations or advertise the party on those walks.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who sneezes a lot. When she does, someone is always quick to say “God bless you!”
I did not grow up being taught to say this, or anything else, when someone sneezes. So when she and I are alone and she sneezes, I say nothing.
Am I being rude?
GENTLE READER: Your co-worker no doubt thinks so.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m looking for your advice on how to handle a recurring issue: people taking advantage of my kindness and my cooking skills.
While I understand that not everyone is comfortable cooking, I believe they could still offer to help with other kitchen tasks. Unfortunately, some do nothing at all and simply enjoy the food I’ve bought and prepared whenever they are over, extending their stay into lunch or dinner.
How can I kindly ask them to contribute, either by cooking their own food or helping out in some other way, without making things awkward?
GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners, but isn’t “doing nothing at all and simply enjoying the food you’ve bought and prepared” called hospitality?
She has so many letters begging guests not to meddle in the kitchen that she is confused at your wanting them to cook their own food in yours.
She does agree that inviting oneself to lunch or dinner afterward is an overstep. To that, you may politely say, “I am afraid I have other plans for those meals” — even if those plans include cleaning up the mess they made from eating so much of your food.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aunt gave me a generous gift, and I wrote her a letter in thanks. She said she loved my letter and hopes I will write her again this fall.
Should I dutifully send another letter, or is there a way I can suggest that writing me back might increase the quality and quantity of my letters to her?
GENTLE READER: You could help prompt her by writing a letter that asks a lot of questions and concludes with, “I do so look forward to receiving your answers.” Then, Miss Manners assures you, it will be clear that it is her turn.
True, it commits you to an ongoing correspondence — but one with a gracious and generous aunt.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
