Older Americans share their biggest financial regrets from their parenting years

• More than 3,400 older Americans have shared their financial and other regrets with Business Insider.
• Some older adults reflected on how parenthood shaped their finances.
• This is part of an ongoing series about older Americans' regrets.

For many people, raising children is the most fulfilling aspect of their lives. But dozens of older US parents told Business Insider that knowing what they know now, they might have made different financial decisions.

Since mid-September, over 3,400 Americans ages 48 to 96 have responded to Business Insider reader surveys or emailed reporters about their life regrets. One survey included the question "What advice would you give someone trying to decide when — or if — they have children?"

Hundreds of respondents said they had children when they were too young and financially unstable, delayed their career to raise a family, or spent too much or too little on their kids. Many said their decisions as young parents had lasting effects. Though many more mothers shared their parenting regrets than fathers, both shared very similar parenting regrets.

It's not all bad, though. Many parents said their financial and professional sacrifices were worth it to build strong relationships with their children. Others said that they did the best they could but that some parenting costs were unavoidable.

All of them stressed that despite having some financial or professional regrets, they love their children and had few regrets about how they raised them.

BI identified five common financial parenting regrets and interviewed seven parents. This story is part of an ongoing series.

We want to hear from you. Are you an older American with any life regrets you'd be comfortable sharing with a reporter? Please fill out this quick form.

Some parents wish they'd waited to have children until their careers were more established

Many respondents said they wished they had waited to have a baby until they were more financially stable. The high costs of childcare and housing made it difficult for some parents to set aside savings for emergencies or retirement, especially early in their careers. An analysis by Northwestern Mutual last year found that the average cost to raise a child until age 18 was about $300,000.

Judy Taylor, 72, told BI she loves her children but regretted having them in her early 20s. Taylor, who lives in Georgia, said she and her husband weren't established enough professionally to afford children and build savings for retirement. When they divorced after 16 years, Taylor shouldered additional costs as a single parent.

Taylor said she had little savings left and relied on slightly over $2,000 in monthly Social Security. If she missed a check, she'd be "dead in the water," she said.

"Babies are so precious," Taylor said. "But having another life to be responsible for can be overwhelming. Just be sure you're ready for that."

Jessica Douieb, the head of wealth partners at JPMorgan, advised that families build a wealth plan focused on short- and long-term goals that factors in education, tax planning, cash-flow management, investments, charitable giving, insurance, and estate planning.

"A frequent misstep is failing to plan for the long term," Douieb said. "In many cases, having children can delay retirement, requiring parents to work longer to support their children, which can affect financial security in later years."

Roxanne Lewis, 61, a mental-health case manager, relied on child support and food stamps to pay her bills as a single mother, though she later remarried and held stable jobs. She said she wished she'd had a nest egg and an established career before having the first of her seven children.

"When I was younger, I didn't think about retirement," Lewis said. "It was mainly about getting the bills paid, making sure the children had clothes and food. It wasn't even a thought in my mind, and nobody had ever mentioned it."

Lewis, who lives in East Texas, said she didn't often speak with them about retirement savings. She intends to work until 67, and while her finances improved after a raise in 2022, she's worried about how retirement may look with a few thousand dollars in the bank.

"I wish that I spent more time with my kids," Lewis said. "Money was a big thing for me, focusing on having enough money so they had what they needed, so I was always stressed."

Some said they spent too much on their children

A few dozen respondents said that while they felt that many of their financial investments in their children were worth it, they regretted spoiling their children — such as buying them a car when finances were tight — or not encouraging them to become financially independent. A few said they were burdened by letting their children live with them after college or stay on their insurance plans.

Douieb said parents who want to be generous with their children should prioritize nurturing their confidence and self-esteem over materially rewarding them.

"I cannot emphasize enough the importance of having ongoing, open discussions about money, reinforcing values like responsibility and self-sufficiency," Douieb said. "When they reach the right age, teaching children about saving, investing, and planning can help them become financially literate and independent, which will help them in the long run."

Some divorced parents described the financial toll of raising children alone or with limited support

Several respondents said divorce and single parenting affected their retirement plans. Some said they struggled to support a family without a second income or with limited child support, while others said being a stay-at-home parent meant they didn't have much savings after a divorce.

A BI analysis of 2023 individual-level census data found that divorced people had lower average 401(k) balances, less savings, and a more limited monthly retirement income than married people. It also found that just 38% of divorced people had a retirement account.

Nina Teasley, 65, lives on less than $2,000 in Social Security in Bethesda, Maryland. Teasley, a mom of four, was a stay-at-home mom for most of her adult life but divorced about 25 years ago. Though Teasley's children are now adults, she said she still felt the financial impact of her divorce.

Teasley said that while being so present in her children's lives was wonderful, she had no savings or retirement plan. When she and her husband split, Teasley took a customer-service job to support herself and her children, but the income wasn't enough to build a nest egg. Now Teasley isn't sure she can fully retire and worries about becoming a financial burden on her adult children.

"I thought I would be married forever," Teasley said. "I married a man who wanted to take care of me and the kids. But I wish I had not let that be. I wish I had decided to go to work and stay at work."

Michelle Patello, a vice president and wealth-management advisor at TIAA, said that there isn't one single approach to raising children after a divorce and that splitting expenses equally isn't always the answer.

"It's important to consider the different income levels when splitting costs," she said.

Some said they regretted being stay-at-home parents

The Pew Research Center found in 2023 that about four in five stay-at-home parents were women. Spending time outside the workforce to raise children meant many moms had less income to build savings and lower Social Security checks.

Older Americans' monthly Social Security income is based on the years they spent in the workforce. Stay-at-home parents' time spent raising children isn't counted toward their retirement benefit.

Wendy DeBord, 73, said she returned to work too late after having her children. DeBord, who lives in Toledo, Ohio, had her first child at 23 and had two more by 28. For 12 years she was a stay-at-home mom and ran a day care at her house. At 45, with little work experience, she took a job as a receptionist at an orthodontist's office. She worked her way up to becoming a public-relations coordinator.

"When I entered the workforce at age 45, I had to start on the bottom rung, so I barely made it to the middle of the ladder by age 70," DeBord said, adding she had a divorce at 50 that hurt her retirement planning.

She said that staying home with her children still felt like the right move, and she cherished watching them grow up. But she said that she started building her 401(k) late and that she reached $300,000 in savings, which she described as sufficient, at 70. She gets about $2,000 monthly in Social Security, which she claimed at 70.

Douieb stressed that stay-at-home-parenting considerations go beyond a parent's finances.

"A child's financial future will be more determined by instilling strong values around money management and savings from an early age," Douieb said. "Parents can create a nurturing environment where financial literacy is emphasized, teaching children the importance of budgeting, investing, and responsible spending."

Adults without children have regrets, too

Though many older parents said they regretted how they handled finances while raising a family, few said they regretted having children. "Every parent wants their child to have a better life than they did — he is the one thing I did right," one survey respondent wrote.

Others said they were happily child-free. "I have no children and no regrets," one person said.

Christopher Gilbert, 61, said he helped raise his nephew but might have been more fulfilled if he had raised children of his own, even with the financial burden. He said he couldn't start a family because of laws banning same-sex marriage, which became fully legal in the US in 2015.

Now gay people "can get married and have kids," Gilbert said, "but that came a little bit late for me."

Gilbert, who lives in Bradenton, Florida, said that while he had some retirement savings, he planned to work his job at a convenience store for as long as possible because it keeps him active and social.

Patello said that Americans should proactively plan for retirement regardless of whether they're parents. "The earlier, the better," Patello said. Even reducing your contributions but continuing to save can make all the difference for you and your family."

Are you an older American with any life regrets you'd be comfortable sharing with a reporter? Please fill out this quick form.