DEAR DEIDRE: WOULD it be wrong to have sex with someone else now that my wife is in a care home?
We haven’t had sex for 40 years. I’m now desperate to share some intimacy with another woman before I die.
I’m 75 and my wife is 78. We’ve been married for 42 years.
My wife had a traumatic birth with our daughter and never wanted sex again.
I love her and didn’t want to force her or hurt her, so I accepted it.
We were otherwise happy, so I never contemplated an affair.
A few months ago, she had to go into a care home with dementia. I visit her almost every day.
But I live alone and am so lonely. I crave human contact.
I’d love to hold someone in my arms again and make love to them.
Would it be cheating?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You’re clearly a loving and caring husband.
It’s a terrible shame your wife wasn’t able to get help, but I understand things were different 40 years ago.
You’re human and have normal desires, which you’ve suppressed for a lifetime.
Nobody should judge you if you were to have sex with another woman.
Nor would it hurt your wife, if she never found out.
But you need to ask yourself if you would feel guilty, and if you could live with that guilt.
It might really help to talk to a counsellor. See my Counselling support pack for more details.
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