‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
not a creature was selling
not even a louse
A desperate search
for a newly built home
blowing air to your seat
in a tiny ass dome
But first pack your bags
for the capital city
Just 10,000 seats
what a major league pity
Sudden spending! Can’t give up
that revenue sharing
To the side of bad contracts
we too shall be erring
On Rooker! On Springs!
Here’s Luis Severino!
“The A’s are known cheapskates”
we said (what do we know?)
We’ll spend in 9 figures
on every live fella
Why not take a chance
on one Gio Urshela?
Our core is a group
that we culled from our farm
So let’s trade our best draft picks
That can’t do much harm
On Butler! On Wilson!
And Soderstrom too!
(That’s the Tyler who won’t hit
a buck eighty-two.)
For 8 solid innings
our instincts are killer
The 9th? Even better
The Time that is Miller
Now saying our defense
is good takes it too far
You’ll see when left field’s
patrolled by Andujar
...Hey, it rhymes. Yes it DOES!
Where was I? Oh yes,
how ‘bout JJ Bleday?
He can hit! (We won’t talk
about center field play)
Can we get a rebound
from our wonder boy Gelof?
When you swing and miss, kid,
there’s no ump you can tell off
On Sears! On Estes!
But enough about dingers
They also get outs sometimes
Then they’re the bestest
If you want back end starters
that help you to win,
can I offer you Spence
or a cool JT Ginn?
Spring training cannot get here
near fast enough
but it comes like a fastball
thrown by Charlie Hough
3 months and 3 days
until Opening Day
when we face their King Kong
with our meager Fay Wray
But we’ll win! (Or we’ll lose)
and we’ll fight the good fight
Until then Happy A’s-Mas
And to all a good night.
