Hey, Santa, what’s up? Hope the heater’s working in the North Pole and Rudolph saw the doctor for that red nose of his.
First off, thanks for putting us on the nice list and delivering so much quality entertainment over the past 12 months (we’ll forgive you for Kraven the Hunter and the Cruel Intentions reboot because no one has a perfect batting average).
As we’re on the cusp of a new year, new opportunities, we have a few kind requests to make of you and your Santa Claus-y powers. It’s not just for us, but for the sake of, well, humanity. It’s in no particular order of preference, so feel free to prioritize where necessary.
For Netflix: We hope that the marketing elves get extra money to promote those wonderful movies and shows that no one knows about until they hit the platform – you know, like the Die Hard-esque Carry-On. Also, please make the executives promise to stop canceling our favorite programs after one season. Oh, and more Lindsay Lohan-led Christmas movies are always welcome.
For Apple TV+: We hope more than five people sign up for this streaming service, because the quality of programming is next-level good. Severance Season 2 drops in 2025, but this is one platform that doesn’t get the flowers it deserves for its all-killer-no-filler approach.
For Amazon and Barbara Broccoli: May they find peace and agreement on the direction for the next James Bond movie. And yes, Idris Elba is the right choice, because why not?!
For superhero movies: Please let them stop making those weird Spider-Man-themed movies without Spider-Man. The world has suffered enough with Morbius, Madame Web, and Kraven the Hunter. Also, the genre needs a break, though James Gunn’s Superman looks delightfully good – but that’s down to the cute Krypto the Superdog who’s the star of the teaser trailer.
For Star Wars: Less is more; remember that. Instead of making content for Disney+, make shows and movies that add something special to the mythos and respect the original movies.
For Disney: Just stop with all the live-action adaptations. They all suck, so stop. Seriously, do us a solid here, Santa.
For Suits: L.A.: May this spinoff show be blessed with more than a single season because if Harvey Specter is already being brought back for a story arc, oh boy…
For Stranger Things Season 5: Land that finale.
For The Witcher Season 4: Don’t bother releasing Season 4. No Henry Cavill, no Geralt of Rivia. Sure, we like Liam Hemsworth, but is he Henry? Hell no.
For You: Do not let Joe Goldberg survive! Honestly, Santa, this scumbag needs to pay for all he’s done in the past few seasons.
For Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning: Hopefully, it’s the final reckoning for real this time. We have had enough of these movies and Tom Cruise trying to find innovative ways to break more bones; give us a break for about a decade, please.
For Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy: Please, please, please let this sequel be good.
For Jurassic World Rebirth: Let the dinosaurs win once and for all. Humanity is doomed anyway.
For the Masters of the Universe reboot: Lock Jared Leto in a trailer and do not allow him to method act as Skeletor around other actors on set. We all saw how Morbius and Suicide Squad turned out, so stop it before he peels off his skin to act like a skeleton.
For 28 Years Later: We hope this sequel revitalizes the zombie genre after all 7,567 seasons of The Walking Dead and its infinite spinoffs. 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later were both fantastic, so there are high hopes here.
For Wicked: For Good: Just be at least 80% as good as the first Wicked.
For Game of Thrones fans: Let George R. R. Martin find the calm, patience, and peace to finally sit down and write The Winds of Winter. It’s been, what, 25 years since he started it?
For Twilight fans: Isn’t Stephenie Meyer due to write another installment?
For Sydney Sweeney: May she get the success she deserves and laugh in the face of every internet troll who criticized her.
For Keanu Reeves: Allow him to do whatever he wants. He’s one of the good ones and should be able to choose whatever movie or television show makes him happy. He gives so much and asks for nothing in return. What a sweetheart!
For theater moviegoers: Let 2025 be the year that people realize they aren’t alone in movie theaters. In other words, put down the phones, stop letting off bodily gases, and behave like you aren’t in a zoo. Theaters have suffered enough in recent years, so let’s find common ground and act like human beings again, deal?
For entertainment lovers around the world: May everyone receive an influx of high-quality shows and films that transport us to different places and have a positive impact on our lives.
Thank you in advance, Santa.
Yours faithfully,
The Thought Catalog team
